Monday, July 5, 2010

Get Mad, Be Mad, Always Mad?

“She’s gonna be mad.”

“She’ll get mad.”

“She’s always mad.”

“Don’t tell her – She’ll be mad.”

I tell ya one thing, I think I might GO mad!

I looked up Mad today -
<<Text taken from the Mirriam Webster Online Dictionary Here>>
1 : disordered in mind : insane
2 a : completely unrestrained by reason and judgment <driven mad by the pain> b : incapable of being explained or accounted for <a mad decision>
3 : carried away by intense anger : furious <mad about the delay>
4 : carried away by enthusiasm or desire <mad about horses>
5 : affected with rabies : rabid
6 : marked by wild gaiety and merriment : hilarious
7 : intensely excited : frantic
8 : marked by intense and often chaotic activity : wild <a mad scramble>

Family members have been spreading rumors about me lately. About Being Mad. “Don’t tell her – she’ll get mad.”  “I didn’t want to tell you because you’d be mad”.

So dishonesty has entered into several relationships.  Conversations altered or denied. All for the sake of ME not getting MAD.

But when I hear what they are saying – I do get a rice of intensity in my heart – for the words they put in my mouth have not been uttered by me. The accusations do not even make sense. The lies and deception for what? Why?

I have been accused of being mad because family members sent my kids to public school last year without my permission. The kids were not invited to the school, so they sat the morning out in the principals office. Then they went on a spending joy ride around town, all the while my phone calls to know where they were went unanswered.  It was my birthday. My mom and 98 year old grandma were waiting to have cake and dinner. No boys. So – When I picked them up – I was upset, when I got in the car and found out where they had been all day – I was outraged.(to arouse anger or resentment in usually by some grave offense, thanks webster). So I called the family and told them how upsetting it was to hear what had been going on all day – It backfired on the relatives.  The boys now NEVER want to go to school as long as the memory is alive. :)

But I’m the bad guy.  Cause I got Mad. and Called them on it.

This is the reason I was given last night for why the anger continues to grow on their side. Anger. Deception. Blame. Manipulation. Accusations.

When they called and screamed at us this week and sent cursing Lord’s Name in Vain txt messages – they denied it. Said we got on the computer and created the whole thing and made it all up.


Am I wrong in not wanting my kids to hang out with people, even if they are blood relatives – that tell them they hate their mom? That they are Angry at the Mom? That their mom is a liar? I should just let them have full contact?  I don’t think so.

And a marriage goes on the rocks – as a devoted brother – at the brink of depression and despair over loosing one sibling to suicide – is now on the edge of letting go of another sibling if he calls the lies – a lie.  We’ve known of the “good intentions”, the “over exaggerations”, the “twisting of the truth” to make a story better. But no one – EVER – calls him on it. 

I speak my truth. I speak my opinion. I do not tailor the retelling my reality to fit into his stories. – So I’m a target.

They don’t want anyone to tell me anything because I’ll speak the truth. I do get angry – at the lies – at the manipulation – at the buying off of the kids and my husband, but rarely if ever get mad at the original circumstance.

Even the birthday day. The one thing I was upset about was the lack of communication. I should have been told they were going to school. I should have been told they were stuck in the office for 4 hours. I should have been told they were going to drive around the county. I should have been able to pick them up, when I was begging for them, they should not have been hid from me.

What do you think?  I forgive 70 x 7. I’m really not Mad – but I might be Insane. I just don’t think my kids should be with a controlling relative who hates me.  Am a wrong? My whole family says I am.

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