tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-84308690906407741062024-03-13T10:34:19.720-07:00Pebble's PonderingsPebblekeeper ~ Angiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04792217890092486144noreply@blogger.comBlogger74125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8430869090640774106.post-14424890319734426682011-10-28T04:03:00.001-07:002011-10-28T04:03:20.982-07:00The Encounter<p>I finished reading the Encounter at 3 a.m.  It is now 3:38. I’ve written my review, and a heartfelt letter to my birth mother. </p> <p>The book reminded me of the Shack. He called it a parable. This one, however, based on the combination of two true stories. The fictional parable itself was compelling. I read the book during a very busy day in less than 12 hours. Carried it with me. Read a page at a stop light. I just couldn’t put it down. </p> <p>I was reading parts of it this wee morning, and it finally internalized to my story. Andy Andrews says of it, “you’ll learn things about yourself that you never knew were there.”  It didn’t even dawn on me throughout the book, that the man was seeking out a meeting with his birth mother, whom abandoned him at 4 in Alaska, and that much of the anger in his life was from not being able to sort out his value  - the resentment and lack of forgiveness – of that day. It wasn’t until he looked through a scrapbook, and saw the pictures in print, that were also in his memory, of their last day spent together, that it all focused in my mind.</p> <p>You see, when I was little, my mother, a native Alaskan, also abandoned me.  I remember the day quite clearly. It is a movie that plays through my mind. When I think of her, I remember that day. The emotions, the place, the kitchen, the bedroom, the words spoken, and then the lack. I remember that feeling of complete and utter void. My father had left my mother, and then my mother had left me.  My turning point in my story, was that we were sent to live with my Grandparents for a time – and then back with my Dad and a new step mom. Their love for the Lord, their guidance and love and grace, their simple life style (all four of them), kept me from internalizing the whole story as something that was done TO me, and just as something that happened. I think that’s why it took me so long to see myself in this book. I don’t feel like anything was done in my past was specific to ME. I was just a  participant. Without realizing it, by the end of the book, watching this father and mother painfully reunite, hearing how all of their perceptions of what they thought the other was feeling were wrong – and they began the road to reconciliation – acceptance – I realized I was wiping tears away. I think for me – it always boils down to the not knowing. Not understanding how a mother, any mother, could abandon a child. I do assume, that they think that being out of the child’s life will make it better. I wish they knew how untrue that is.  </p> <p>I already have sent an email to my birth mother. We recently caught up on email and a tiny bit on Facebook, although she only logs on about once in six months. My life is there for her to read about, my feelings, but I have none of hers.  I wanted to write to her and tell her all the things that stirred in my heart for her because of this book. Personal thoughts. Not for the wandering eye. </p> <p>Page 47 says, “you have to go beyond the entitlement of resentment so you can have the freedom found in acceptance.” I find this to be true to any situation. From waiting in a long line and having someone cut ahead, lane changers in traffic, to things happening today, expectations not met by other people, broken possessions, to the past. It seems I hear a lot about the word Forgiveness. But there isn’t a lot of how that gets walked out. The Forgive and Forget, I think should be changed to Forgive and Accept, and then apply real grace and mercy. Do your best to find the truth, hear the perspective of both sides, find empathy. Even though he was looking for truth, he wasn’t looking to be sympathetic or empathetic until they faced a situation of death. Then he found it in himself to demonstrate grace.</p> <p>I too, with my birth mom, stand on the brink of death. She is in the final stages of cancer. Her health, our lack of income and a vehicle, have prevented our meeting. I never saw her after she left our home when I was little, until a brief meeting when I was 18, and then a summer spent together a year later in Seattle while I was in the Coast Guard. Even though we’ve lived 4 hours apart, I’ve seldom known where her location was or had a phone number. For many years, I only had her first name. It’s been over 22 years now since I’ve seen her. I would like to talk with her in person. Not as the confused 18 year old, full of life and passion and self confidence, ready to prove myself to the world, but as the 40 year old, full of mercy, grace, humbleness. Willing to hear her real story. Listen. Sip tea. Hear what these years have been to her. From the beginning. I may never have the chance that he did, to read through his mother’s scrapbook of his life. I do see, that I do not harbor resentment – I have come to acceptance long ago – that this is just part of me.</p> <p>It’s funny. I was just having a conversation with friends, over tea this week, and we were opening up our lives, talking about our childhoods. One badly neglected and abused as a child, one badly abused physically and mentally.  I felt sort of bad. My real memories start at age 5, with a  Beaver Cleaver life. A near perfect childhood. That has gone into marriage and motherhood. Hard knocks yes. American Poverty and physical hardships of illnesses yes. I do know pain and hurt. Hurt is hurt. But my childhood with my grandparents and parents are filled with love, peace, joy, and strawberries. I had mentioned as such, how grateful I was for such a wonderful childhood, when I hear of other children who have gone through similar family rips, who did not come out the other side so well. </p> <p>I am sure, and as reading this book I kept seeing visions, of my grandmother, both of them actually, who breathed into me what I did have, what I could cling on to – my Mother Pat – the Lord – the New family. I knew how hard my Father was working to make the family work. I knew that my life was sort of a make up of what went on before. My grandmother Ruth breathed it into me. Centered me on the Cross and not myself. It is a trait that has carried with me through adult years. Circumstances and Events, although not fun to go through, are mean to be lived through, and then walked away from. Learn, grow, and then walk forward. I was never given a choice to feel entitled to resentment. Entitled to anger. Entitled to fear.</p> <p>I hope to pass these same character traits onto my own children. </p> Pebblekeeper ~ Angiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04792217890092486144noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8430869090640774106.post-61466864358345591082011-10-11T14:08:00.001-07:002011-10-11T14:08:25.919-07:00Women of Faith–What spoke to me?<p>Looking through my notes – I thought I’d share a few of the highlights that were written on scraps of paper at this weekend’s 2011 Portland Women of Faith Over the Top conference.</p> <p>It was dark – for the whole first day, scribbles without names – you may assume that either Patsy Clairmont, Andy Andrews, Lisa Whelchel or Marilyn Meberg spoke these words - </p> <blockquote> <p>Fear is the misuse of a creative imagination. How can I turn that part of me off?  Logic. </p> </blockquote> <blockquote> <p>God doesn’t ask us to understand, he asks us to obey, sometimes, when we obey, He allows us to understand.</p> </blockquote> <p>I was reading today, in Daniel 10:12 – The Lord is talking to Daniel, in a time – a 3 week period – that he was waiting for an answer – “Then he said unto me, Fear not, Daniel: for from the first day that thou didst set thine heart to understand, and to chasten thyself before they God, thy words were heard, and I am come for thy words.”  Daniel had a problem, and he had to choose to set his heart to understand. The verse is pretty cool as it goes on in the rest of the chapter to explain why the answer was slow incoming.  I am ever amazed at how may scriptures start with Fear Not. Do Not Be Afraid. Have Courage. And this one – paired with the knowledge that Daniel had been seeking understanding for weeks – I dunno. It’s comforting.</p> <p>`I have pondered the “Refuse / Replace / Repeat” urging from Patsy.  Of how to get those thoughts out of your mind. As I sit here and type, Pandora is blaring from the TV in the front room. I realized, I had not been listening to the Praise Music, so it wasn’t in my heart, and I haven’t been memorizing scripture, so it wasn’t on my tongue.  Setting those things straight this week. I want Healthy Wholesome Thoughts. I may have to set emotional boundaries with some of my friends.  </p> <p>Speaking of emotions, I think Patsy said – “ We make ourselves desperate by these wide expanses of up and down emotions.  Find Balance!”</p> <p>“Have you become a person other people want to be around?”</p> <p>“When you spot the enemy – Do Good!”</p> <p>On Restoring Relationship - “Starting points usually start with Humility.”</p> <p>On Practicing Emotional Balance- “Pick a time that was difficult – do not whine or exaggerate giving yourself unnecessary stress reliving the wrong that has happened to us.”</p> <p>“Please make me sensitive to how I act – It reflects you.”</p> <p>“Mistake or Choice – I’m sorry never works for a choice – you did it on purpose and got caught – the words and heart need to say – ‘Will you forgive me’.” Andy Andrews</p> <p>“Don’t place expectations on a friend to fill your need” Lisa Whelchel</p> <p>“Identify safe friends – perfect doesn’t bring connection, imperfection does. Immanuel – God With Us – With Me, Accpetance and Understanding” Lisa Whelchel</p> <p>Lisa – with laughing with a good friend, “It’s the kind of laughter, nothing is really that funny, I’ll laugh or I’ll cry”</p> <p>“Transparent or vulnerable? Transparent lays it out there, vulnerable brings it close enough to touch or hurt you. The desire for connection outweighs the fear of rejection.” Lisa Whelchel</p> <p>“Don’t force an answer where an answer doesn’t exist – Perspective – Calm, Calm, Ideas – Lead to God” Broken quote from Andy Andrews.</p> <p>“Your Will is stranger than your emotions.” Andy Andrews. Careful Purposeful Parenting!</p> <p>“He didn’t say no to a dream, he said yes to a dream he has for me that I don’t know about yet.” Sandi Patty</p> <p>Exodus 14:14</p> <p>The Lord shall fight for you and you shall hold your peace.</p> <p>“Watch what happens when you over react. It is almost always a matter of perspective.” Patsy Clairmont</p> <p>There ya go – so if you hear me talk in person – you’ve heard me bring these up a few times. A few of them are going into my memory banks. There are a few more quotes from Andy that we are working with through the boys’ lives.  I had a really great weekend.</p> Pebblekeeper ~ Angiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04792217890092486144noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8430869090640774106.post-74230838878569155982011-08-09T08:42:00.001-07:002011-08-09T08:42:33.260-07:00Hearing through Church Leaders<p>In God’s Perfect Timing – our men at church have been teaching/sharing about Planning – through the book of Luke. I thought I’d type out some of the random quotes that I wrote in my journal – I don’t always write down who was speaking – so – consider them all from the Vineyard at Coast Vineyard Church.. . . spoken through the Spirit – straight into my ears to my heart!</p> <p>We were in Luke 15 talking about Value. Do we value Jesus’s authority? How does He pour His values into our hearts? Where our treasure is – there our heart will be also – in order for our values to change – I need to see what God Values – If I really value it – I’ll do it.  What do I do? What do I value?</p> <p>And I am in the season of planning – for a new learning year. The responsibility placed on the Homeschool Mom –the fingers pointed at all of the Character, Attitude, Aptitude, and Ability – no such finger is pointed at any one teacher in a child’s life at public school. Children just get to be children at the local elementary. The Child is some sort of Watched Product in a homeschooling home. So – funny – this day – our speaker mentions – “Murmuring blinds us – takes away our vision – blinds us – so we can not see what Jesus sees.” I can find my self murmuring under breath of the worry of this great task.</p> <p>Jeremy quoted C.S. Lewis while speaking about Luke 16 - </p> <blockquote> <p>“Courage is not simply one of the virtues, but the form of every virtue at the testing point.”</p> </blockquote> <blockquote> <p>In Luke 17 – The Kingdom of God is not with observation -  You won’t be able to say, ‘Here it is!’ or ‘It’s over there!’ For the Kingdom of God is already among you. And now, with the Holy Spirit in us – The Kingdom of God – In In Us. </p> </blockquote> <p>Jeremy gave a heart felt sharing of his life – urging us to also live a transparent life. My blog is part of that. My speech is part of that. I have prayed for it so much – that I have found myself unable to play the games of say this – to mean that – with hold this information – to be secretive of that – My life – is Life. Shared. Openly. I have nothing to hide.</p> <p>And the theme wove itself together of the last few weeks – of our need for that Cornerstone in Luke 20 – the need to build ourselves upon that rock. The Need in 1 Cor 7 – Let every man wherein he is called abide with God – those that are planted in the house of the Lord shall flourish in the courts of our God.</p> <p>And as I plan for the year – Why is it that my mind gets heavy on the academic – and not as heavy on Christ’s teachings? Like it is a given, an aside, an assumption that we will be in the word each day. Should I not just also assume that we will be in Math and Reading each day was well?</p> <p>My brain is full, my heart is heavy on other things – I’ll post this crazy bit into my ponderings blog – and be back later for a “Part 2”. </p> Pebblekeeper ~ Angiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04792217890092486144noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8430869090640774106.post-83213587102444449012011-05-15T09:55:00.001-07:002011-05-15T09:55:39.269-07:00episynagōgē<p><em>episynagōgē - </em>Epee-Synago-Kay – Is it Synagogue? Our words – Assembling Together comes from this word – or Gathering together.  A Gathering together in one place. Which has become known as the Religious Assembly of Christians.</p> <p>I woke this morning with the love of The Body in my heart. A note from a friend, visits from family and friends, neighbors and relatives. I eagerly wake to find messages and notes tucked in various spots in cyberland – ready to spread a smile on my face. I eagerly devour the word – and I stop to ponder - </p> <p>On this drizzly grey May morning – as my family is in slumber, waiting for the wake up call to assemble together with other believers in the area - </p> <p>I think on the – Do not forsake the gathering of yourselves together verse. And my mind connects all of The Body that I have gathered with this week. And yet – most of it was one on one. Or in 3’s the most 4’s.</p> <p>This morning I look up the verse in Hebrews 10:25 - Not forsaking the assembling of ourselves together, as the manner of some [is]; but exhorting [one another]: and so much the more, as ye see the day approaching.</p> <p>The word assembling there- is not meant as a one on one experience. It was meant as An Intentional Gathering In One Place.</p> <p>What if?  This month we have had National Day of Prayer.  How many attended? We have had online chats, blog swaps, Facebook Page Parties. Twitter. But What If?</p> <p>Only once a month – each follower of Christ – no matter the denomination – or title – gathered themselves together in one place?  </p> <p>Once a Quarter?</p> <p>Once a Year? On the same day? The pull from the businesses, radio, tv and internet. The void that would be in the world – because the saints have dropped their doings – and spent an hour – gathering together. In worship – of the Risen Savior – collectively – to hear from His Word. Simple. No agenda. No “Training”. Just provoking each other to Love and Good Works.</p> <p>People fail to talk about the rest of <a href="http://www.blueletterbible.org/Bible.cfm?b=Hbr&c=10&v=25&t=KJV#25" target="_blank">Hebrews 10</a>. Sin. Covenant Breaking. Or vs 31 - [It is] a fearful thing to fall into the hands of the living God. </p> <p>I urge you – to read chapter 10 – read anything – and see if your heart isn’t stirred to gather together. To see the faces of the saints. Not for a coop. or a Tupperware party. Or a Beach BBQ – or a Barn Raising. Not for anything. Other than to worship the King. Without focus on the sinful man to your left, or the harlot woman to your right, or the sinner behind the podium – trying his hardest to gather the saints – sinners themselves – judgemental above all – to focus – intently – on Christ alone. Drums, versions, rules, Let them wash away. Hymns, concerts, speed, noise,  - let them be washed away. </p> <p>Be filled with the Word. The Love of the Savior – hug a friend. Gather together. Join with a completely strange fellowship this morning – expect nothing. Give everything.</p> Pebblekeeper ~ Angiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04792217890092486144noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8430869090640774106.post-86064993660992384412011-05-03T07:25:00.001-07:002011-05-03T07:25:32.187-07:00Mornings in the Word<p>So in this age of electronics – I must confess that over the last few weeks – I have not spent time – in the paper confines of the Bound Word.  Oh – on line and in devotionals – in pieces of the Word – and through worship songs rejoicing on Pandora, my CD’s and on the Digital Channel on TV. Not far from The Word – But not IN, swimming among the paper pages of the Word in Print.</p> <p>There is something mighty about a Sword that one can hold in the hand. </p> <p>Which Brings me to my pondering of today - </p> <p>During the cleaning of the flooding of the basement I found my Grandmother’s Bible – an old black leather King James. It was covered in a mossy green, like a little moldy cocoon. With careful cleaning, it has been restored, and laid open in the house by the wood fire and in front of windows, I love the smell of the wood fire that permeates each page. </p> <p>And this morning, as I sat in my new reading place by the window – It is her volume that I chose to read. Her scribbles and exclamation points and marks of My Favorite fill the margins.  What greater gift to leave a Granddaughter than your  underlined bible?</p> <p>And I was praying for the unity of the Body. Of the followers of Christ – who have each dug their heels in to the experiences that effect them – that raise this point over that – who feel pain over different areas – and to this new generation of electronic users – who can spew partial sentences – and for those who read them and inflict their own experiences into what the meaning must be – and judgment is cast – and lines are drawn – and people are separated- by the spewing of typed words. . .  and My heart has been sad – watching through this second wave of the sifting of people.</p> <p>My eyes have been drawn this morning to a remembrance of a verse shared – this Sunday in church – something he said was from Psalm 133. </p> <p>Behold, how good and how pleasant it is for brethren to dwell together in unity! </p> <p>It is like the precious ointment upon the head, <br />that ran down upon the beard, <br />even Aaron’s beard: that went down the skirts of this garments; </p> <p>As the dew of Hermon, and as the dew that descended upon the mountains of Zion: for there the Lord commanded the blessing, even life for evermore.</p> <p>As I see effects of the sun, peeking over the eastern hillside, slowly appearing over the lake, bright rays of light start to sparkle – and the dew is on the deck – and the dew has moistened, cleaned the debris of yesterday - </p> <p>That I pray for my brothers and sisters – mostly today – focused on the ones who proclaim Christ Crucified  - Who proclaim that the Word is True -  I pray that as the dew descends upon the mountains today – that the Lord’s Blessing – Of Life for Evermore – of unity of the brethren – to be poured out.</p> Pebblekeeper ~ Angiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04792217890092486144noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8430869090640774106.post-16001562030995401992011-03-22T09:11:00.001-07:002011-03-22T09:11:18.052-07:00Deliverance at Purim<p><a href="http://lh4.ggpht.com/_GNEVXNgOGUs/TYjKA3KQKkI/AAAAAAAAV6Q/juzqeKNY7Wo/s1600-h/DSCN0037%5B3%5D.jpg"><img style="background-image: none; border-bottom: 0px; border-left: 0px; margin: 0px auto 5px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; display: block; float: none; border-top: 0px; border-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px" title="DSCN0037" border="0" alt="DSCN0037" src="http://lh4.ggpht.com/_GNEVXNgOGUs/TYjKBzFcmKI/AAAAAAAAV6U/qRf9K78GSK4/DSCN0037_thumb%5B1%5D.jpg?imgmax=800" width="205" height="281" /></a></p> <p>Spring opens up – color, scents, growth, beauty, newness and growth from what seemed to be dead. And so it is with my heart!</p> <p>I am feeling the growth and newness ( and the loss of midsection ) as my chemical levels even out with my thyroid and vitamins.  And yet, as I spoke in the last post – I know that there is something that is still lacking. </p> <p><a href="http://lh4.ggpht.com/_GNEVXNgOGUs/TYjKDdO-GuI/AAAAAAAAV6Y/s0hhNtoiiRs/s1600-h/DSCN0040%5B3%5D.jpg"><img style="background-image: none; border-bottom: 0px; border-left: 0px; margin: 0px auto 5px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; display: block; float: none; border-top: 0px; border-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px" title="DSCN0040" border="0" alt="DSCN0040" src="http://lh4.ggpht.com/_GNEVXNgOGUs/TYjKEuthwJI/AAAAAAAAV6c/qfWYfWW_Njk/DSCN0040_thumb%5B1%5D.jpg?imgmax=800" width="324" height="249" /></a></p> <p>Sunday came – and the choice of where to worship – The boys and I had a long discussion in the morning of the why’s of our choices – and we settled on being submissive – even though Hubby is at work most Sundays – we are going to choose his choice. (Of which, he said later in the day, thrilled his socks off).</p> <p>One of the details we discussed was the music. Although, for a concert I really love the music – the musicians are amazing and passionate, their hearts are full and they joy is abundant. The congregation really rocks out! For me, being new,  I don’t know most of their songs, or the arrangements of the words that I do know, being played to their writings.  I have spent most praise sessions enjoying the worship of those around me, while I am glad to be sitting in the Presence.</p> <p>Yet, as we walked in a bit late – they were playing a song that I knew. Followed by a whole set of “songs that Angie would have chosen”.  And I felt the Father’s arms of comfort around me.</p> <p>And then – the leader stopped. He urged us to think about the words. If we didn’t know the songs, or if they didn’t apply to us, or if we weren’t quite where the songs words said – to speak them as a prayer, of what we would want for our lives, or pray for a friend that comes to mind that the song does apply to – praying for those around us – instead of just singing out – words that may not be true to us.</p> <p>And he started on – a familiar hymn - </p> <blockquote> <p>When peace, like a river, attendeth my way, <br />When sorrows like sea billows roll; <br />Whatever my lot, Thou has taught me to say, <br />It is well, it is well, with my soul. </p> </blockquote> <p>Yes, He has taught me to say – It is well, It is Well With my Soul.  I can say that. I do say that. I even trick myself into believing it sometimes.</p> <p>But Sunday – when we sang the chorus – a couple times repeated – the silent wet drops of tears started to run down my face – as I knew – should I sing it to the choral standards of loveliness – that it would be a lie.</p> <p>As the instruments melted together – beautifully, and the congregation sang, over and over, It is well. With my Soul. It is Well, It is Well, With My Soul. I knew – there was something unspeakable – that my own understanding could not comprehend – that was not well.</p> <p>And so I prayed.  With my whole heart. Without words. HEAL ME! Fix this damaged heart! Wipe away the stress and pain! Or give it a Name! Give me A way to detach from whatever is pulling me under! Make It Well With My Soul!</p> <p>And we continued to sing, and I felt as if the Lord himself were standing by me, arm on my shoulder as we continued - </p> <blockquote> <p>Though Satan should buffet, though trials should come, <br />Let this blest assurance control, <br />That Christ has regarded my helpless estate, <br />And hath shed His own blood for my soul. </p> </blockquote> <p>And Christ seemed to look right at me – and assurance flooded in – that He has regarded my helpless estate – he knows, and I felt the healing. Flow through my entire body, badly cut bangs to sand clogged toe nails. And as we continued through the verses and chorus, I could feel the healing roll over me. The Strength filling my inner body.</p> <p><a href="http://lh3.ggpht.com/_GNEVXNgOGUs/TYjKFutkK-I/AAAAAAAAV6g/Ehh7VjsisTA/s1600-h/DSCN0053%5B3%5D.jpg"><img style="background-image: none; border-bottom: 0px; border-left: 0px; margin: 0px auto 5px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; display: block; float: none; border-top: 0px; border-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px" title="DSCN0053" border="0" alt="DSCN0053" src="http://lh5.ggpht.com/_GNEVXNgOGUs/TYjKGkcKzdI/AAAAAAAAV6k/rRFVC-Ann54/DSCN0053_thumb%5B1%5D.jpg?imgmax=800" width="320" height="246" /></a></p> <p align="center">( I warn ya, this is a long post – cause – it was a long Sunday!)</p> <p align="left">And then the service started – And we were in Luke – at the Lord’s Prayer – I’ll save everything I learned during our exercise for another post – We prayed through each section of the Lord’s prayer, pausing for 2 minutes (monitored by the iPhone) for personal prayer. We were at the section of Give US this day our daily bread – and saving all that was revealed in that phrase for another day – the personal prayer that was pouring out of me came in jumbled words.  <strong>Mourning. Sorrow. Pour laughter in. Replace the mourning. Trade in my sorrows</strong>. Fill US with the presence of the Show Bread, fill US with You! I couldn’t quite get the words out that was filling my mind, but I felt healing. I felt the mourning and sorrow being physically replaced.</p> <p><a href="http://lh4.ggpht.com/_GNEVXNgOGUs/TYjKHyIASFI/AAAAAAAAV6o/77bmTJiLxcI/s1600-h/DSCN0055%5B3%5D.jpg"><img style="background-image: none; border-bottom: 0px; border-left: 0px; margin: 0px auto 5px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; display: block; float: none; border-top: 0px; border-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px" title="DSCN0055" border="0" alt="DSCN0055" src="http://lh4.ggpht.com/_GNEVXNgOGUs/TYjKJL6PUhI/AAAAAAAAV6s/ZOhM3hzr44Q/DSCN0055_thumb%5B1%5D.jpg?imgmax=800" width="248" height="335" /></a></p> <p>That evening – we read Esther chapter 9 as a family – and I almost fainted when I read verse 22 - </p> <blockquote> <p>As the days wherein the Jews rested from their enemies, and the month which was turned unto them from sorrow to joy, and from mourning into a good day: that they should make them days of feasting and joy, and of sending portions one to another, and gifts to the poor.</p> </blockquote> <p>And suddenly, the flash back to the time of prayer.  When I was feeling rest and release – the assurance that Christ would turn my days into good, and that feasting and Joy were possible.</p> <p>And I was able to share with the hubby and the boys, all of my words for the day – (even more than written here) – and we were comforted for the days ahead. We watched A Night With the King in honor of the 13-15th Days of Adar, 2011 – the time of Purim – to remember when the Jews were delivered from evil, and they were turned from sorrow to joy, mourning into a good day.</p> <p>I leave you with the last verse - </p> <p> </p> <blockquote> <p align="center"><strong><font size="3">And Lord, haste the day <br />when my faith shall be sight, <br />The clouds be rolled back as a scroll; <br />The trump shall resound, <br />and the Lord shall descend, <br />Even so, it is well with my soul</font></strong>.</p> </blockquote> <p align="center">It <strong>IS</strong> well With my Soul. I love a Savior <br /> who loves me so intimately and deeply!</p> Pebblekeeper ~ Angiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04792217890092486144noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8430869090640774106.post-6785285088288355422011-03-22T08:32:00.001-07:002011-03-22T08:32:41.297-07:00Freedom to Wrench a Gut Laughing<p><a href="http://lh5.ggpht.com/_GNEVXNgOGUs/TYjBFF-o34I/AAAAAAAAV6I/lARWzzBEE-I/s1600-h/P1000075%5B4%5D.jpg"><img style="background-image: none; border-bottom: 0px; border-left: 0px; margin: 0px 0px 5px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; display: inline; border-top: 0px; border-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px" title="P1000075" border="0" alt="P1000075" src="http://lh3.ggpht.com/_GNEVXNgOGUs/TYjBGKG-16I/AAAAAAAAV6M/nMRgdPO6bng/P1000075_thumb%5B2%5D.jpg?imgmax=800" width="423" height="329" /></a></p> <p>Do you see that little boy up there? Joy. Laughter. It is in the 30’s temperature wise, with rain that light and freezing. The wind – over on the right hand side of the screen there is blowing the dry particles of sand into our flesh like a sand blaster. The birds are attacking, and pulling the bread from his hands. </p> <p>And he thinks it is the greatest day ever. Because he is with his dad on the beach. The laughter cuts high above the wind and rain. Fills the entire area. We are the only crazies on the beach. </p> <p>It is times like this – when I can see growth of healing in me.  It has been about 5 weeks since my doctors appointment – and I can physically and emotionally feel – the growth, healing, change, increase. And yet, the freedom of laughter under attack – is not quite there.</p> <p>I used to have a friend say that she liked it that I could laugh through anything. Now I smile on the inside more than gut wrenching laughter. I am glad that I am healing – that He is healing me – and I am glad that I am finally awake enough to want more.  Freedom. Freedom from the remaining heaviness that hovers over the day. It is not enough to be able to physically, prayerfully, emotionally rise above the heaviness – I want it gone.  And that’s powerful. </p> Pebblekeeper ~ Angiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04792217890092486144noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8430869090640774106.post-88961158965462002202011-03-11T20:01:00.000-08:002011-03-11T20:01:45.212-08:00Questioning ChurchThis last topic. I have been pondering in my heart for weeks. I am having a hard time voicing it, even in my prayers.<br />
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I know many of you have struggled with "church". The Church Body. Denominations. Traditional? Contemporary? Saturday? Sunday? <br />
<br />
I am pretty confident in my thoughts on denominations - if it is in the bible - I believe it. Simply. Fully. Sure I love a good Greek and Hebrew Study as well as the next academic geek - but simply, I believe the Holy Spirit will interpret scripture far more clearly than the Strong's dictionary or a lesson in history. If I need another book in order to understand what you are feeding me - then I turn off my brain. If you need to tell me a personal experience to explain why the verse is relevant to your speech, I will ask for His guidance to hear truth. <br />
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So I can attend just about any congregation's weekly gathering. I may not stay and hang around if I constantly have to adjust what I have heard and line it up with truth to my boys - but I love the saints, and the gathering of those who have put their faith In Christ.<br />
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My ache in my heart stirs from the BUILDING aspect. And the choosing of a congregation. In a town where there are so many wonderful choices, and the Spirit seems to be still on direction. And we visit these beautiful families gathering together. And they so want us to join with them. <br />
<br />
And we are looking for some great church kids, similar ages to the boys, and have struggled to find any attending congregation. So we stop searching - and gather with a group of ladies. Whose love and joy of the Lord is refreshing. Their outgoing comments encourage, and the Pastor gives admonishment and encouragement in the word. <br />
<br />
And yet - I still feel the loss of church family - as even after a year - we have not created outside friendships, save for the one neighbor that attends there. Offers of fellowship outside of meeting dates are turned down. Children do not come to befriend our boys. And I am left week after week feeling the lonliness in a crowd. I hear from one sister - and she tells me of her jealousy that I came into the crowd, and the time that the other women give to me. I can't help but stare in silence. Because they say Hi to me for 10 seconds on Sunday - she is unable to give friendship?<br />
<br />
And then the illness comes full force. It started in November, then worsened with a viral infection in December, and lasted through the first week of January, and slowly through to February we fought to leave the house. And we are unable to attend on Sundays. Unable to attend anything. And little did I know at that time that with my body shutting down, the depression was tightening around my heart and mind.<br />
<br />
And no one came. And our house flooded. And our Bank Account Broke. And our stomachs were hungry. And no one came. And our son walked to a nearby church. <br />
<br />
And then they came. By txt and by email. Of questioning. of Shame. of Hurt. But no offers to pick up the kids, even after my urging, to bring them to fellowship. <br />
<br />
And so - as we pulled out - we gravitated towards those who did come, and give food, and encouragement, and teaching - while we were at the bottom of the pit. <br />
<br />
And then they came again, with hurt, and advice, and hurtful comments.<br />
<br />
And now - as I am coming out of the fog that has been the last 3-4 months - I am seeing more clearly. And wondering about these buildings full of people wanting the approval that comes with joining their membership. And hurt around town, from those we didn't choose. <br />
<br />
Do we have to congregate in the same building to a part of the same Body? Or to maintain friendships?<br />
<br />
And today - it came to a head for me. And broke my heart. And it is the first time my heart has been full of sadness and the weight of pain and mourning. As I approached two christian sisters today - and they shunned me. Openly. Before my children. Swiftly and quickly as I tried to embrace them after not seeing them for months. <br />
<br />
Sigh. <br />
<br />
Why? Why do we have such a tiny little town full of so many tiny churches? One church trying to build a multimillion dollar monument to attract the rest of the town. "When we get the millions, and build the building, then THEN we will be able to go into the community to find those who do not know Christ". Yep. Out of the young pastor's mouth. Sigh. <br />
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What do you think? What part of Sunday Church is biblical to the Body of Christ? Sorrow. Sadness. and a Broken Heart for His Body.Pebblekeeper ~ Angiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04792217890092486144noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8430869090640774106.post-26942991157950855852011-03-11T19:17:00.000-08:002011-03-11T19:17:08.116-08:00He WILL give you more than you can handle -I remember the conversation. I was sitting at her kitchen table. A bold, confident Survivor. Of loss. Of a child, both parents, a spouse and all of her other children. All within a year. Several friends and family members to death, and several to moving away in bitterness. A church that turned their back on her. A community that forever will glace with eyes that wonder what the truth is, but will not bother to ask.<br />
And I gave the Christianeze reply - <br />
<br />
"Well. God must think you are pretty strong. Cause He will never give you more than you can handle."<br />
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I remember her eyes. Horror? Hurt? Betrayal? And she she told me of how she definately could not handle this. And that the Holy Spirit carries her through the days and nights, holding her up. And then she feels the pull of falling. <br />
<br />
And now, months later, I ponder that phrase - and realize - That when I am weak that HE is strong. That HE wants to "handle it."<br />
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And yet - I feel the pull - of the lie from the enemy - that tells Christian Homeschool Moms what they are supposed to do - look like- teach - produce- creat- cook- clean - serve- all while facing life's challenges. <br />
<br />
And anything less than Joy and Rejoicing in Everything - comes out looking like Sin and Failure - judgement from those who know you nap through afternoons and skip math several days a week because you don't have the mental capacity to explain least common denominators one more time.<br />
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So you push. Knowing you are "Supposed to Handle". Supposed to have joy.<br />
<br />
And this week - I have a friend who has lost her husband for a couple of years to the Justice System. Framed. Took a plea on the court's advice even though he maintained innocence. And then got the full sentence. And a friend who's marriage rips apart in a violent court struggle, while the husband flaunts his affairs and spending. Of a mother who's husband left her for a fling in town, and now has to earn a wage, learn a trade, live on her own. Another mother who left her husband, physical abuse, verbal abuse, and it took all the courage in her tiny little heart to tell, and leave. Moms who are dealing with the addictions of their spouses - in silence - and fear - and turmoil.<br />
<br />
But we still proclaim it - after the heart is split open and the words are poured out. It is our response. <br />
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"Well, God must think you are strong. He would never give you more than you can handle."<br />
<br />
And I heard from a friend this week - she has to leave the dream home that she thought she would raise her unborn child in, and continue to raise her son with her beloved that fights each day to earn a wage in this downturned economy. Her home has been snatched from her, along with her hope - and her outward joy. And those who come around her to pray - say Chin up. And She says - God must think I am pretty strong.<br />
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And that's when it all comes full circle to that conversation a few months ago - at the kitchen table - and I resolve to NEVER speak those words to another hurting sister EVER again.<br />
<br />
And I stand on my soap box and scream BULL SHIT!!!! It's a lie. From the Devil. It's not in His Word. It's not the heart of Jesus. It is not the softness of the comforter of the Holy Spirit. It is B. S.<br />
<br />
I looked it up this week. It's not even in the Bible, although memorized and spouted off as God's Holy Word. The closest thing to line up - is that God will never tempt you beyond what you will be able to walk away. In the case that you can't say ' God made me sin ' . He will always give a way out.<br />
<br />
And having a weak humble heart and spirit is not sin. It is not a temptation to avoid. Self loathing? Not asking God for healing? Pulling others in your mire? Sinking into the temptation to dwell in the pit instead of facing life? Maybe. But a day or week or month of quiet stillness. Resting in Him. Is not sin. <br />
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Have you read the beatitudes lately? Blessed are the Poor in Spirit? Not sinful are those who can not handle living in this world that is not our home.<br />
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And today, as fires rage across Oklahoma, and waves surge along the Pacific Coast and demolish Japan - my heart is heavy. Wondering how long we will wait - while He waits for his Bride to be ready for His return.<br />
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I may struggle with depression. My body is not in shape. I am tired. And my heart is sad tonight. But my hope? In His Return? Is how I get up in the morning.Pebblekeeper ~ Angiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04792217890092486144noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8430869090640774106.post-8748076446676728052011-03-11T18:58:00.000-08:002011-03-11T18:58:36.314-08:00Of HealingI have felt my body go downhill physically of the last several months. I think the low point came in June - and has just not bulstered from there. My immune system seems to be on the brink of death - as we seem to catch every cold that has come to our county - when we have gone several years without a sniffle.<br />
<br />
After bowing out of every planned activity from December to early February - including not really planning for Birthdays and Holidays - I sought out a doctor to help.<br />
<br />
After a quick blood test - she told me several things that were wrong, and easily leveled out with simple medications. She prayed for me. I told her of some of the personal things I was going through. She gave me an EKG to rule out heart attacks. She said I had classic signs of long term stress. Stress? I love my life. What was she talking about???<br />
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That was the first week of Febrary - and I am finally feeling like I'm seeing sunshine again. She said it would be 4-6 weeks for the Thyroid to stablize, the vitamins to soak in, and the body and mind to heal. Maybe longer for the latter.<br />
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I am learning more about the stress in my life. That has shut down my body, led to depression, and heart attack feeling anxiety. And through it all - trying to maintain a pollyanna persona - do it all -get-er done- cheerful pace. I have known for a few weeks that I wasn't fooling anyone. . . .<br />
<br />
I have asked the Lord for healing. Instantly the pain and swelling in my heart let down. The numbness to my hands receeded, the ache in my ribs went away. That alone cheered me up.<br />
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I have been praying to seek out what the "Stress" is that is out to destroy my life and limb.<br />
<br />
Without sharing all of my personal details - I can say that most of it was internal. Even if it was a situation around me- it was the way I processed it. If you are having trouble with Anxiety and Stress and Depression I'd rather talk about my journey out face to face, or email to email than here on the ponderings blog. <br />
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I will say that the most healing thing has been my own voice. Acknowledging what I can't do. If I had a broken arm, I'd be in a cast. If I had knee surgery I would have crutches. But with this brokeness, there is no sign or signal to those around me than my humble heart, willingness to share, and willingness to play the weaker part. My family has stepped up. I feel very loved and secure, and I have prayed for the guilt of "not doing" to vanish.<br />
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One thing I have experienced - is that my frustration and anger are quite diminished. Knock on wood - but pretty much entirely. I think my struggle to maintain, brought in the hightened level of "almost over the edge" and the quick replies came from that. With this new mellow weak humble meek spirit, that I have received through going through healing, I have lost the bend up frustrations. I wonder if my spirit feels as those do who are hospital bed bound. At some point. You just have to realize. You can't move. Or Stir. And you have to rely on others for everything. <br />
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I never thougth I'd say this, but this is the season I am in. I think it is what the Lord has been trying to teach me sense He took me from my over active life in Central Oregon. The strength, peace, assurance, renewed hope and love for others that has developed over me sitting down. I have no words.<br />
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I am praying for my friends that I know are going through the same thing - either through physical shut down, or outside circumstance, or mean people. I pray for you. Your name is ever on my lips.Pebblekeeper ~ Angiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04792217890092486144noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8430869090640774106.post-17896051181480349222011-03-11T18:33:00.000-08:002011-03-11T18:33:13.604-08:00Heavy HeartI was just thinking - of how I haven't shared my ponderings with you here in a while. <br />
<br />
I have a few topics - but when I sit - they all get muddled together, into a huge whiney post. <br />
<br />
Today my heart is saddended for those who have lost lives and property from the quake and water. <br />
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Our entire town feels like it is in the after shocks - people were evacuated. You feel so relieved that your town wasn't hit - but then feel a bit guilty for those that were. <br />
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I'll keep thinking - pondering - and sharing. But for now - prayers for our rescue workers and for those helping in Japan.Pebblekeeper ~ Angiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04792217890092486144noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8430869090640774106.post-38058474165538516792011-02-07T05:30:00.000-08:002011-02-07T05:30:11.304-08:00Let Go of the RopeIn years past - I have feared hitting rock bottom. In finance. In struggles. With addictions. In self destruction. Especially Finance. I had said it many times, and heard others speak of it, with fear in their eyes. "What if we hit rock bottom?" "Wonder if they will have to hit rock bottom?" "I don't know what will happen if they hit rock bottom."<br />
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Know what we found out? Rock bottom isn't that bad. Its the end of the fall. The Rock is firm. A person can stand back up. On steady feet. We've hit it a few times, and really? I fear it no longer.<br />
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Several times over the past year and a half, the Lord has been teaching me to put down my yoke, to take His. Mostly in relationships and activity. The Striving. To be a mom. A Homeschooler. A Church Member. A Group Member. A Friend. It has been the year of realizing I've been working too hard. I find myself slipping.<br />
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And thats when my wording changed. When Satan slips in. I start to feel that I'm at the end of my rope. Dangling. The struggle. Feeling so tired, yet gripping all the more firmly. Striving.<br />
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Ever wonder why the Lord allows us to get to the end of our rope before His answer comes so quickly? My mind swirls in circles as it reaches out to create the scenario that will save me. Finding none, my mind starts to turn off. Shut down. I feel myself slipping from the rope.<br />
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Finally, my stubborn fingers let go.<br />
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That's when I find my feet.<br />
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Back on the Rock.Pebblekeeper ~ Angiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04792217890092486144noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8430869090640774106.post-80672556210741180552010-12-21T07:21:00.001-08:002010-12-21T07:21:50.484-08:00Joy comes in the morning<p>And this morning – I woke with joy. Anticipation for my little boy’s return. I light the tree. Unclutter the front entrance. Sweep the living room. Light the fire. Perk the coffee. Light the oil lamps. The light outside is still dark – the water is calm, the surf is quiet. Was it the eclipse? Wondering what the eclipse did to the surf line.</p> <p>I turn on Lil Boy Blue (The New to Me G4 IBook) and stream <a href="http://www.lighthouseradio.com" target="_blank">Lighthouse Radio.</a> Nancy Lee DeMoss is on with a word of encouragement. Dave comes on and even apologies for being so peppy at 6:02.  Why apologize for being peppy? I like Peppy.</p> <p>This morning’s verse is from 2 Corinthians 3 – He reads the entire passage.  My heart swells as the Spirit inside me gets excited as the paragraph comes to an end with the following - </p> <blockquote> <p><sup>16</sup>But whenever a person turns [in repentance] to the Lord, the veil is stripped off and taken away.</p> <p><sup>17</sup>Now the Lord is the Spirit, and where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is liberty (emancipation from bondage, freedom).<sup>(<a href="http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=2%20Corinthians%203&version=AMP#cen-AMP-28857D">D</a>)</sup></p> <p><sup>18</sup>And all of us, as with unveiled face, [because we] continued to behold [in the Word of God] as in a mirror the glory of the Lord, are constantly being transfigured into His very own image in ever increasing splendor and from one degree of glory to another; [for this comes] from the Lord [Who is] the Spirit.</p> </blockquote> <p>Freedom. In the Spirit. Boldness  More bold than Moses – to speak truth. We have freedom to be bold. . . Do we practice this freedom?</p> <p>I cried my way through the evening last night. Those dratted quiet streams of water that leak. Swelling of sorrow in my chest. Softened by the comfort of my honey and the words of a friend. I fell to sleep early-ish – missed the eclipse. 50 minutes til my sons return.</p> <p>And yet, It could be moments until The Son’s Return. Are our houses ready? Is our anticipation great? Are our <a href="http://www.wordjourney.com/gospels/matthew-251-13-keep-your-lamps-trimmed-and-burning/" target="_blank">lamps lit</a>? Are our fires burning? Are our <a href="http://bible.cc/2_corinthians/3-12.htm" target="_blank">words Bold</a>? Is the <a href="http://bible.cc/1_corinthians/3-9.htm" target="_blank">House</a> ready?</p> <p>Is it any wonder that God has given the mom the passion and desire to ready the house for company and the return of family? As He quickens our hearts for the return of His Son.</p> <p>Hebrews 13:5</p> <p>Let your conversation be without covetousness; and be content with such things as you have: for he has said, I will never leave you, nor forsake you.</p> <p>My heart Rests in Christ.</p> Pebblekeeper ~ Angiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04792217890092486144noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8430869090640774106.post-70263638563910453642010-12-20T21:17:00.001-08:002010-12-20T21:17:04.547-08:00The week of Christmas<p>and my heart is torn and aching a little.</p> <p>Oh – it’s easy to say we don’t really celebrate Christmas. We prefer a simple Christmas. We like to keep it quiet. We realize it’s not really Christ’s Birthday. </p> <p>But.</p> <p>We also live in America. Next to people with double incomes and credit accounts. With commercials on TV and Movies and TV Shows with dozens of presents under the tree.</p> <p>Its hard to wrap joy. Wrap Bird Watching Every Day. Wrap Bills that are paid. Wrap Rent that is current. Wrap frozen chicken in the freezer, or the Gas for the Heater or the Car. Hard to wrap a checking account that is in the Black – even if by only a few dollars.</p> <p>We were gifted with cards from church – a gift from a grandmother – and a gift from my parents this year. In my book – we will have a small beautiful celebration this week. There will not be “without”. </p> <p>But I have a little boy. Who has been exposed for the last 4 days to a world he has never seen. Even in Bend. Where not only is money no object – but the desire for it to be shown is bold. At least in Bend, everyone seemed to hide the money that was paying the mortgages with grungy SUV’s and Snow Board Pants. </p> <p>I have a little boy with a big heart. Who wants to give. Who has people on his prayer list that have real needs. Power Turned Off. Child Lost in Death. Children without food. And he sees a mother purchase $75.00 earrings for a 6 year old daughter. He sees the extravagance of a 20+foot tree laden with presents for two small children. And he wants to give. His heart hurts. He calls me with a weak small sobbing voice. We cry together on the phone. He will be home Lord Willing in my arms in the morning at 8. </p> <p>The idea and reality of a simple Christmas is marvelous. I wouldn’t want anything different. If we were laden with abunance in a savings account – I wouldn’t want to load the bottom of the tree with plastic trinkets. </p> <p>My heart is broken – because my son’s heart is broken. He has seen the World. He has seen self indulgence. How he never seemed to be exposed to it in Bend I’ll never know.  I’ve asked my other son tonight how he handled it in Bend.  He said he was just glad he got to play with all the toys of his friends. He felt co-ownership with his best friend’s abundance.</p> <p>Hubby came home from work while I was trying to type this out. I got to cry it out with him. There isn’t anything to sort out – we live a very blessed life – just an almost cashless one. </p> <p>Every day I wake up, watch the Blue Herons dance with the White Egrets over the lake and sip my coffee with my warm feet and feel so everlasting thankful for being in this home, and pray for those around the world – waking to pain and suffering. So please hear my heart. It just hurts. Cause my son’s hurts. Tomorrow morning could not come soon enough.</p> Pebblekeeper ~ Angiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04792217890092486144noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8430869090640774106.post-86012046951120505812010-12-12T08:27:00.001-08:002010-12-12T08:27:15.525-08:00Re-Fresh Button<p>I came home from a large event yesterday and fell to my chair in an exhausted heap. I can share that I have given my all – everything I knew to give – and now the project is over.  I slept for a couple of hours – and then got up to hit the refresh button on the house.</p> <p>Straightening the building that has been used for gatherings each week, and lovingly tending it back into a home – a nourishing – refreshing home. </p> <p>I can not express in few words – or maybe even in much words – the growth and change that has occurred in my heart these past months.</p> <p>I have been side tracked by Blogs, Facebook, Twitter, Lego Clubs. </p> <p>In spending the evening going from room to room, straightening, cleaning, purging,</p> <p>My mind was continually drawn to the Blogs – Online Time - </p> <p>Wondering, what other things in my life have I allowed to come in, take time, and side track.</p> <p>I enjoy reading the blogs, and commenting. I enjoy the comments I receive. I enjoy knowing what my friends are up to on Facebook. I enjoy sharing my  life. </p> <p>But I am constantly pulled to realizing – that in the focus of sharing the life, I have stopped living mine. I know. It doesn’t make sense. </p> <p>I don’t seem to have the energy, prioritizing skills, or knowledge to know how to participate in other’s lives, and still have a really fun cool, growing, refreshing life of my own.</p> <p>I’m going to take the next 3 weeks to get ready for January.</p> <p>To reflect and slow down.</p> <p>To become a hermit of sorts.</p> <p>To pray and Seek His Face in the next steps of my life.</p> <p>Knowing that the steps that I take deeply and everlastingly effect those of my family.</p> <p>I am reminded this morning of John 10, 3-4 and Psalm 139 – that He calls us out. He leads us. He has us Hedged In on All Sides. He knows, and I am unable to understand. </p> <p>I am feeling the pull to change my blogging style back to that of where I started. When I only had 2 readers. When I wasn’t aware of format and grammar and too many pictures, or too few pictures, or writing for sponsors or writing for memes. Just writing. Because I woke up every day – like today – with words. and Typing at over 100 words a minute comes easier than italic handwriting in a small notebook. </p> <p>This morning I logged back into my Pebblekeeper.spaces.live.com site – to remember where I’ve been – and it asked to merge with my wordpress blog. There is a new category bar on the right hand side there. I’ll be moving those old posts around.</p> <p>You may not see much of a change as a reader, as you have already seen the amount of blog posts may decrease. <img style="border-bottom-style: none; border-right-style: none; border-top-style: none; border-left-style: none" class="wlEmoticon wlEmoticon-smile" alt="Smile" src="http://lh4.ggpht.com/_GNEVXNgOGUs/TQT34m7tocI/AAAAAAAAVzw/Hs_Zdt40SmQ/wlEmoticon-smile%5B2%5D.png?imgmax=800" /></p> <p>My brain is mud today. So many thoughts. I have a desire to be transparent on this site – but boring you with the inner workings of how I transition - </p> <p>I am going to be deleting more on</p> Pebblekeeper ~ Angiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04792217890092486144noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8430869090640774106.post-20168485061502662502010-12-12T08:03:00.001-08:002010-12-12T08:03:58.016-08:00Suffering–Identifying with Christ<p>Knowing the full picture, having a simple solution, sharing the skills of how to – yet, those you share solutions with have their own ideas. They come to the table thinking they know. Based on what has gone on before – not knowing what is coming ahead. Some will head the wisdom of those who know, and some will not. In the Judging, some knew the truth and chose not to use it. Some knew the truth and chose not to speak it. Some were unable to articulate what they had learned. It was clear that several had not found joy in the journey. And I think of Christ. Knowing the full story. Knowing what the end is to be. Trying so desperately to to tell the disciples, and yet, when they heard it, they asked other questions. Brought up selfish pleadings, slept when they should have stood. And Christ, The Holy Spirit, Drew me a beautiful but heartbreaking picture of Suffering this morning. Suffering isn’t bank account amounts, flat tires, lost jobs, frozen spring plants, dry fields, or hurt feelings from friends.</p> <p>Christ’s suffering is in the knowing – the sharing – and seeing full picture. Knowing who is soaking it in, remembering it all, and sharing with others. Knowing who is listening but not taking it. Knowing who will not share the information with others. Knowing who will take everything He has said and twist it into their own path, based on their own self perceived need. Knowing – that they will stand before judges here on earth, and before his Father in Heaven. And that the earthly judges will only bring condemnation. They will never understand what really happens inside the heart. They will see a slice of life and judge harshly, or praise too easily. Only the Father in Heaven will know, will ever know what the person truly believes. Christ, in this knowing and sharing, giving his very life to share the Good News that His death and resurrection is the path to the Father, no matter what anyone thinks they know, or read, or have been taught  - and seeing –through to the end – the rejection by unbelieving people – the Ack. I can’t type it out. </p> <p>The Suffering. Of Christ. For what He Did. What he Shared. What He taught. How He loved. Knowing Those whom rejected Him before Death. Who Rejected Him After Death. Who rejected his follower’s teachings. Who slaughtered His followers. Up and into this very moment, in America Culture to the Impoverished 3rd world countries.</p> <p>Wouldn’t it have been easier – if the “Walk this way” speech would have just come with a control button? </p> <p>I think the Suffering Of Christ – is in His desire that No One Should Perish, yet, watching those whom He created choose Perishing to Life.</p> <p>Why is that. I choose life.</p> Pebblekeeper ~ Angiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04792217890092486144noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8430869090640774106.post-75001220211265951642010-11-14T10:35:00.001-08:002010-11-14T10:35:50.585-08:00Have you ever lost it all?<p>Have you ever sold everything you owned to move somewhere? We did last year. I was glad to be rid of our thrift store belongings – to have the monies to move – and to take care of our Landlord’s belongings in their home.  I didn’t expect to miss any of the things that went to the garage sale and the thrift store. A couple of books – a blow torch that we used for weeding the fence – and a school table got put on the truck or sold at the garage sale that wasn’t meant to be – but other than that – no thought of what we had.  What I wasn’t expecting – is the response from others. Friends and Strangers.  </p> <p>You Can’t Do That! I stare at them with disbelief as they stare equally back at me with horror and disbelief.  </p> <p>This week we have had a cold bug go through the family – so the little details of cleaning have gone undone. This morning I woke up with the joy to clean – which is my favorite way. Tucking little items back in their spots – wiping and straightening. Caring for my home is caring for my family and guests. As I sorted out my reading stand – I saw that it needed a little Old English Lemon Oil Care.  </p> <p><a href="http://lh4.ggpht.com/_GNEVXNgOGUs/TOAr9YqGF6I/AAAAAAAAVWU/UQxPJ_V0bNg/s1600-h/DSCN8412%5B2%5D.jpg"><img style="border-bottom: 0px; border-left: 0px; display: inline; margin-left: 0px; border-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; border-right: 0px" title="DSCN8412" border="0" alt="DSCN8412" align="left" src="http://lh5.ggpht.com/_GNEVXNgOGUs/TOAr-jVWaRI/AAAAAAAAVWY/-VrAm1gJAUI/DSCN8412_thumb.jpg?imgmax=800" width="184" height="244" /></a>As Jon brought me the bottle I got to tell him more stories of Nana and Grandpa – and of how I love each book in the little shelf. </p> <p>I did keep a few pieces. Not of value necessarily – but of memory. As I rub the oil over the wood – I remember who gave it to me. I remember the time they spent in prayer for me. I remember the grandparents that spent so much time with me as a child. I am thankful to my parents for seeing that I was well cared for as a baby.  There was a time as an infant – where my birth parents could have given me up for adoption – or to another family – but they gave me to my grandparents.  Most of who I am and how I think came from the time I spent with my Grandma Ruth and Grandpa Oliver.  Simple. Basics. A Quiet Life. A Love for the Word. A Love for My Lord. A Love for working with my hands in the dirt, with cloth, and with a pen. </p> <p><a href="http://lh4.ggpht.com/_GNEVXNgOGUs/TOAr_txdeDI/AAAAAAAAVWc/Cj3QBdaa3Rc/s1600-h/DSCN8408%5B2%5D.jpg"><img style="border-bottom: 0px; border-left: 0px; display: inline; margin-left: 0px; border-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; border-right: 0px" title="DSCN8408" border="0" alt="DSCN8408" align="right" src="http://lh4.ggpht.com/_GNEVXNgOGUs/TOAsAGQnV9I/AAAAAAAAVWg/qGJpuu3wwXc/DSCN8408_thumb.jpg?imgmax=800" width="244" height="184" /></a>This morning, as I brought back fresh life into those few pieces. My mind pondered. My heart swelled. The Love breathed fresh and full for those the Lord laid out to care for me as a child. I look at my little helper today, sweeping and wiping with his little dish rag. And I smile. Knowing – that whatever mistakes I perceive to make in a day with him- that the Lord is in control – and He has just the right helpers in my path for my boys.</p> <p align="left"><a href="http://lh5.ggpht.com/_GNEVXNgOGUs/TOAsAsU6dtI/AAAAAAAAVWk/l3Dvf1oFUhA/s1600-h/DSCN8411%5B2%5D.jpg"><img style="border-bottom: 0px; border-left: 0px; display: inline; margin-left: 0px; border-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; border-right: 0px" title="DSCN8411" border="0" alt="DSCN8411" align="left" src="http://lh5.ggpht.com/_GNEVXNgOGUs/TOAsBXSvskI/AAAAAAAAVWo/4bRxgbGDeGk/DSCN8411_thumb.jpg?imgmax=800" width="244" height="232" /></a>I could loose all of the pretty things today – and would not loose my Christ. Would not loose my wonderful childhood memories. Would not loose my desire to make a mean biscuit. Grow the best Flowers or largest zucchini. Love the open air on my cheeks driving 70 on the back of a motorcycle. Love the spark of interest in book keeping and organizing from time spent on a lap in a big ol chair at  a big ol desk. Hours spent playing games at a little table. Time spent listening to the Word be read by the fire after a mess of bean soup.  What more could one need? What more would one want? I hug my precious memories tight this morning. :) Thanks for sharing them with me. :)</p> Pebblekeeper ~ Angiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04792217890092486144noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8430869090640774106.post-50872108184758638132010-10-21T06:55:00.001-07:002010-10-21T06:55:21.967-07:00The Secret of Living a Life that is Full<p>The past two weeks I have been reflecting over the year of change. From a community with over 1400 homeschoolers to 2 families. From a yahoo group of over 200 like minded families to cater to my every whim – to zero. From several activities every day to have the burden of choice – to dishes or mow the lawn. </p> <p>I walked through several months of grief. I was sure that the Lord moved us here for the better. I heard  promise from Him that this was going to be better for our family. I clung to that promise – while shaking my fist defiantly and stubbornly at the Lord as my heart was ripped up inside from the grief of leaving my friends, adopted family, church family, loved activities. As I watched my children grieve over the loss of their friends. It felt like death. Over and Over. Loss. Pain. Greif. Deep Aguish. Sorrowful. Troubled. Distress. Sad. Sore Hearted. Heavy. and Deeply Depressed.  Finally, in December – I had a walk on the beach. Tears flying. Understanding gone. But a promise heavy on my heart. I cried out to the Lord. I admitted that what I thought we would walk through – I could not see. But I would look daily for what He as doing – for the better for my family.  Sound dramatic to you? Rolling your eyes at a silly drama queen?  </p> <p>Christ knew. He knew what it felt like that day on the beach in a December Storm where the Salt from the Rain and the Salt from my tears mixed even. </p> <p><a href="http://bible.cc/matthew/26-37.htm">http://bible.cc/matthew/26-37.htm</a>   - “and he became anguished and distressed.” </p> <p>The link above will bring to you a parallel translation site – to see how those words were choosen. To try to reflect what Christ – as a human – as man – felt.</p> <p>I had an attack constantly through those months. Guilt. Shame. I thought I should just look around and see what I do have. And Feel Better. The enemy made me want to crawl under a blanket in a dark room in the basement. The Enemy made me to feel that I was wrong. A Christian would not feel this depression. Everyone around me is used to a Mary Poppins – Joy Seen- Glad Tidings exterior. For a time. It just wasn’t there.</p> <p>Fast forward. A Year later. And I am trying to write out a post. Of where we’ve come. Of How it Feels. Of how full I feel. Of how much I love this crazy tourist town and its people. Of the Church who has adopted our family as their family. Of friends of all different family backgrounds who have invited us into their homes. Of a home, physically in itself, is as near to perfect of what I’d order myself up in Heaven as it could get.  Maybe with bigger bathrooms, if we um, need showers and such in Heaven. . . . .</p> <p>I have been spending these Indian Summer afternoons with the boys outside, as the temperatures past 80 in the house with the western facing windows heating our rooms. Baseball. Kayaking. Walks on the beach. Skate parks. Swings. Walks around the neighborhood memorizing the names of all of the dogs. Patting our friend Joe on the head as he runs out to greet us. Friends calling to take us hiking and adventuring. Neighbor sister friends praying with us, guiding us, laughing with us. </p> <p>And I feel another sort of guilt. One that I wasn’t sure how to write about. </p> <p>The Fullness Of Life. The amazingness of my life. The Glory of where God has put us physically. The Amazing transformation of our Marriage. The Unity of our family and the boys.  The Direction of our Learning Studies. The Support on line and in town of our studies. The Group of Lego families. The Godly Spiritual Truth of our Church Family. The Joy of discovery each day. </p> <p>One year later. Sitting in the same chair. Same Spot. Same grass. As last year. </p> <p>I read a verse this week. A familiar verse. And yet, It hit me. One of those – Think about this. Really Think. Chew. Talk. Digest. This is for you. Verses.</p> <p>It is the rest of the verses from Matthew 26. Where Christ pleads, in this sorrow – for the cup to be passed over him. For it to be another way.  For it not to be at all. And for the first time I heard and felt the sorrow. Of his friends who did not stand with Him. Of his closest church family who fell asleep when he needed them most. Who did not even walk up the hill with him. </p> <p>And It hit me. The Secret of being full. Even in a valley of time. Drinking. </p> <p>Christ finally tells the father – When his soul was crushed to the point of death – vs 27 – that in vs 42 – he bends. Takes it in. Agrees. </p> <p>“If this cup – cannot pass – unless I drink it – Your will be done.”</p> <p>Without knowing it – that was the basic prayer of my heart that December afternoon on the beach.  Drink from his cup. Take His Yoke. Put your fork down. Lay your burden down. and pick up His. </p> <p>I have spent alot of time in prayer these past few months – learning about healing. And knowing that God wants to heal my discouraged heart. That he wants reunion and joyful fellowship with the fullness of my being. That His Spirit longs to play happily with my Spirit. Without long sideways glances of remembering wounds. But eyes ahead at the prize of salvation and joyfully awaiting His return. Are you joyfully awaiting His return? Are you standing up to the lies of the enemy with Truth of the Word? </p> <p>If you are struggling with the same soul – wounded to to the point of death like Christ’s – cry out to him. Tuck a comment here and I will promise to pray for your healing. </p> Pebblekeeper ~ Angiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04792217890092486144noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8430869090640774106.post-28828402231090721392010-10-08T07:15:00.001-07:002010-10-08T07:15:07.326-07:00Remembering and Seeing<p>I am working through the <u>A Woman After God’s  Own Heart</u>, Workbook an DVD by Elizabeth George for two weeks. She is encouraging us to keep a prayer journal.</p> <p>For the past year,  have glanced at my journal. Written little. I think the pain of separation from the people in the journal was too much, and the thought of buying a new one an moving on was something I wasn’t ready for yet.  </p> <p>This morning I pulled out my bible journal and prayer journal.  One – I write down my thoughts as I read the Word. Sometimes passages of scripture from the Psalms and Proverbs. I read </p> <blockquote> <p>Ps 94 that I had written in 2008 – He that planted the ear, shall he not hear? he that formed the eye, shall he not see? He that chastiseth the heathen, shall he not correct? He that teaches man knowledge, shall not he know?</p> </blockquote> <p>I read many of the passages that the Lord brought to my attention during a year that my husband was unemployed, our church was completely changed over, my friends were in upheaval, my priorities were completely off.</p> <p>Now, even only three years away – I see his protection. I see the peace of the words of comfort that he brought to me. </p> <p>I read through the prayer journal.  I pray through the Lord’s Prayer, taking each section of the prayer as a section in my notebook. I see the prayers. I remember the tightness of heart going through some of those entries. I see the answered prayer. Except for one ongoing thorn in the side – they have all been answered. Greater and more abundant than I could have ever seen back then.</p> <p>I read through two or three dreams and visions. One from before 2008 that was fulfilled this year. What was a mystery then, written in obedience, is now a telling of what has happened to us this year. </p> <p>I have seen the fruit. Of writing it down. I have spent this past year sharing quite a bit of my thought and pondering journal with you. </p> <p>For the most part – I am going to go back to writing it down in my journal. Kept. Peaceful. Left in His Hands.</p> <p>I will still ponder and bore you here – but I am feeling healed. Whole. Ready. Standing at the Gate, Standing in the Gap. For the broken hearted. For those without hope. For the hurting. For those without healing. For those who lead us. I feel re-charged from the Spirit, after this year of rest, reflection and remembrance.   </p> <p>Leave is over, the battle is still raging about me, I must stand as a warrior child of the King. </p> Pebblekeeper ~ Angiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04792217890092486144noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8430869090640774106.post-56542370687280813892010-09-14T07:47:00.001-07:002010-09-14T07:47:11.786-07:00Are you holding the Coin?<p>Secrets. Transparency. Stuff it and Move On. Confession. Not Hurting Others. Only Hurting Self.</p> <p>I have heard the theme of these all week long. Betrayal. Addiction. Relationship. Sin. Theft. Greed.</p> <p>Do you realize that Satan holds the players in his hands too? Through Shame. Guilt. Fear. </p> <p>He tricks us into hiding. Building on the story line of embarrassment and guilt. How many days will build into years – as we hold on to the sins of the past. Maybe of those no one could ever know about?   We tuck it away. Silent. he has tricked us into believing we are safer this way. Our families are safer.</p> <p>I write. I used to journal more on paper. I have learned the truth of James when he says to confess your sins before man. </p> <p>Sometimes when we confess our sins to the Lord in silent prayer – it keeps the sins selfish. When we confess our sins to man – it is a release. What is released? They are already forgiven – forgotten from the east to the west.  - It is us. We give it up. Give up the hiding. Give up the struggle. Laid down. Empty of what we are holding. </p> <p>And when we are empty – then – He can fill us up. </p> <p>The Lord asks us to become like children – Sometimes it makes me roll my eyes – more often though I know. I spend enough time listening to learn more from them than they will ever glean from me.</p> <p>A little boy comes up to me yesterday. Sounding overly chipper. A fake chipper. “I’m going to make a card!!!”. Ok, I answer. He heaves his craft box onto the school desk. Not the right card in there. May he use some of my fancy paper? It needs to be fancy I’m told. Yes – my reply as I reach for my card stock.  Behind us several bins store years of my passion of sending note cards out. </p> <p>Who is your card for?  </p> <p>I smile wide – waiting for the the expected answer of his Mimi. She sent a flyer about sea glass tucked in with a Happy Beach Day Card ad some monies for some salt water taffy and a bright round swirled sucker.</p> <p>“It’s for my Friend. . .” He speaks slower. Quieter. I owe him a card. </p> <p>Oh his friend. Again I wait for the expected remembrances retold of the great cards and objects they have mailed back and forth this past year, and even when we lived in the same town. </p> <p>“I told him about the coin.  Last week. He didn’t even remember.”</p> <p>The paper sits on the table. I wait on the table as well.</p> <p>Quickly, it comes out – “We were digging at the rock – and I saw the quarter – but he saw it first – but I grabbed it first – and it was old.”</p> <p>“Do you think I’ll need double sticky tape or glue?”</p> <p>He runs off, and comes back with the coin - how great the coin is. The value. The Differences. The Age. The Composition. It’s monetary auction value – that he supposes it must be. And he confesses.</p> <p>“I told My Friend about it. His dad could really do something great with this. I have to mail it back. Could you write the note? I can’t write it.”</p> <p>He pours out his little heart in a paragraph.  If his friend remembers – the paragraph will have meaning. But none as great as on this little boy’s heart.  I lay down the paper, it is shorter than his told story. And urge him to write it. To form the words. And he does.</p> <p>Spirit lifted – he asks to choose brighter paper. The Paper Cutter. The gift will be given. He’s concerned about the tape on the Coin. </p> <p>I address the envelope and he rushes out to the mailbox.  I do not hear about the coin all day.</p> <p>But – I do. I hear a story about family secrecy. Of the need to say a simple I’m Sorry.  I hear it over and over. From each person I speak to today.  They can tell their stories to others. Over email. On the phone. But not in person. Not to the one that needs to hear it.</p> <p>And I ponder this morning. What coin are you holding today?  This coin was found at a week long camp, a year and a half ago. In Mr. Messy’s Room. And yet, The Spirit must have been bringing it to the surface. Each time the enemy attacked a tiny boy’s heart – and told him to hide it away.</p> <p>Are you listening? FIVE MINUTES of obedience. VERY FEW WORDS are needed.  How long would you be embarrassed after? How long have you been holding your coin already? How heavy has it become? Give it back. Let it go. Make an empty space. Give Him the yoke.</p> <p>Tell your story. Out loud. Say you’re sorry. </p> <p>I think  a little boy would tell you it was worth it.</p> Pebblekeeper ~ Angiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04792217890092486144noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8430869090640774106.post-25118127916116562572010-09-10T08:52:00.001-07:002010-09-10T08:52:51.661-07:00Fences<p>I have quite a few friends who are in the midst of transition.  Some appointed – some by their own making – some by the neglect of others.  We talk about faith. And “What God Wants”. Sigh. What does God want? How do we know for sure? How do you talk with this one and see an easy path – and tag it with  quick, “Yes, that seems to be God’s direction for you.” – And then talk with another friends, same circumstances – and see yet a different direction.</p> <p>I can but only share from my experience. I can only offer what I have heard and read.  And now, more times than not – I can but only offer ears without words. A cup of tea, pressed coffee, a cookie.</p> <p>We have gone through a year of transition. Into the unknown. Taxing family relationships. Stressed by relationships around us. Income shrinking. School group options stripped away. And I have felt it.  The desire to run. The Desire to Flea. That if I step up – and make my choice – that’s “best for me”  - that life will be better. </p> <p>And yet – I do know the answer. Of how to know. Because at this point in my life I am a mom. And I have been a wife for over 20 years. And I am a child of the King. And I have the Holy Spirit Living in Me.  And no matter what others are doing around me – His Word is clear. Of what I am to do. How I am to think. How I am to be a servant. How I am to be submissive. And, in those areas – it is so crazy at how the “But if the other person  . . . . then" is not found.  If they – then you don’t have to forgive. And If you forgive but it was really bad, then you do not have to pardon. If they do it again you get to leave. If they don’t do this, you no longer have to serve. If their will crosses yours, you no longer have to submit.  </p> <p>Loopholes. To the Fences. It was after a phone call and an online chat – of the discouragement of where we are – that I woke up to read the page of Fences by Joni Eareckson Tada.  A link to the page is here <<<a href="http://books.google.com/books?id=5mU40De15kQC&printsec=frontcover&dq=diamonds+in+the+dust&hl=en&ei=pUaKTPixNYaosAOO0Y3fBA&sa=X&oi=book_result&ct=result&resnum=1&ved=0CDUQ6AEwAA#v=onepage&q=Fences&f=false" target="_blank">Diamonds in the Dust, Fences</a>>>.</p> <p>Of how we are looking for the loopholes. My favorite quote from a book I am reading called Blind Hope by Kim Meader  - “The grass is only greener on the other side – if you water it”. Why water the neighbor’s grass? When there are not enough moments in the day to water your own? From Diamonds today – it hit me - “I was restless, looking for life’s loopholes to crawl through. But for what? Greener pastures? No, Life’s Weeds.”</p> <p>So my challenge for myself – is to again refocus on living in the moment. Giving my Today speech.  Listing all the things that are firm in my life today – that I am thankful for today – and not listening to what may or may not crumble tomorrow. Do the Next Thing – instead of worrying about what will crash down , what I won’t be able to go through – next week. </p> <p>What fence are you looking to cross? What selfish dissatisfaction – even righteous intolerance – are you willing to go against what God wants for you? You might find yourself locked in the barn, like my friend in the Fences story. But – I still love ya. I’ll come bring ya a cookie. :)</p> Pebblekeeper ~ Angiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04792217890092486144noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8430869090640774106.post-23874358021865106052010-09-10T08:12:00.001-07:002010-09-10T08:12:07.460-07:00Fences<p>I have quite a few friends who are in the midst of transition.  Some appointed – some by their own making – some by the neglect of others.  We talk about faith. And “What God Wants”. Sigh. What does God want? How do we know for sure? How do you talk with this one and see an easy path – and tag it with  quick, “Yes, that seems to be God’s direction for you.” – And then talk with another friends, same circumstances – and see yet a different direction.</p> <p>I can but only share from my experience. I can only offer what I have heard and read.  And now, more times than not – I can but only offer ears without words. A cup of tea, pressed coffee, a cookie.</p> <p>We have gone through a year of transition. Into the unknown. Taxing family relationships. Stressed by relationships around us. Income shrinking. School group options stripped away. And I have felt it.  The desire to run. The Desire to Flea. That if I step up – and make my choice – that’s “best for me”  - that life will be better. </p> <p>And yet – I do know the answer. Of how to know. Because at this point in my life I am a mom. And I have been a wife for over 20 years. And I am a child of the King. And I have the Holy Spirit Living in Me.  And no matter what others are doing around me – His Word is clear. Of what I am to do. How I am to think. How I am to be a servant. How I am to be submissive. And, in those areas – it is so crazy at how the “But if the other person  . . . . then" is not found.  If they – then you don’t have to forgive. And If you forgive but it was really bad, then you do not have to pardon. If they do it again you get to leave. If they don’t do this, you no longer have to serve. If their will crosses yours, you no longer have to submit.  </p> <p>Loopholes. To the Fences. It was after a phone call and an online chat – of the discouragement of where we are – that I woke up to read the page of Fences by Joni Eareckson Tada.  A link to the page is here <<<a href="http://books.google.com/books?id=5mU40De15kQC&printsec=frontcover&dq=diamonds+in+the+dust&hl=en&ei=pUaKTPixNYaosAOO0Y3fBA&sa=X&oi=book_result&ct=result&resnum=1&ved=0CDUQ6AEwAA#v=onepage&q=Fences&f=false" target="_blank">Diamonds in the Dust, Fences</a>>>.</p> <p>Of how we are looking for the loopholes. My favorite quote from a book I am reading called Blind Hope by Kim Meader  - “The grass is only greener on the other side – if you water it”. Why water the neighbor’s grass? When there are not enough moments in the day to water your own? From Diamonds today – it hit me - “I was restless, looking for life’s loopholes to crawl through. But for what? Greener pastures? No, Life’s Weeds.”</p> <p>So my challenge for myself – is to again refocus on living in the moment. Giving my Today speech.  Listing all the things that are firm in my life today – that I am thankful for today – and not listening to what may or may not crumble tomorrow. Do the Next Thing – instead of worrying about what will crash down , what I won’t be able to go through – next week. </p> <p>What fence are you looking to cross? What selfish dissatisfaction – even righteous intolerance – are you willing to go against what God wants for you? You might find yourself locked in the barn, like my friend in the Fences story. But – I still love ya. I’ll come bring ya a cookie. :)</p> Pebblekeeper ~ Angiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04792217890092486144noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8430869090640774106.post-55304669930152843112010-09-04T08:41:00.001-07:002010-09-04T08:56:52.134-07:00Is your Focus on the Hard?Reading from my <a href="http://www.amazon.com/Diamonds-Dust-366-Sparkling-Devotions/dp/0310379504">Diamonds in the Dust</a> book again this morning – and Joni Eareckson Tada – and again – I am marveled at what the Lord places before me – each morning.<br />
Today – is Romans 12. From Joni – <br />
<blockquote><div align="left">Romans 12:12 – Be Joyful in Hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer. (NIV)</div></blockquote>And it hits me. Through the discouragement raging in the midst of my own thoughts and those around me – that we have an active command from the Lord. Rejoice in Hope.<br />
<br />
The MessageBible makes it clear: Don't burn out; keep yourselves fueled and aflame!<br />
<br />
I thumb back to Romans 12:1 – as I keep my Bible near when being sparked by the Spirit in Diamonds in the Dust – to see what would be happening – for a command to come out – BE JOYFUL.<br />
I was pre-coffee and too early to think – and so I was overjoyed when one of my favorite scriptures leapt out at me like a surprise visit from a friend.<br />
<blockquote><sup>1</sup> I appeal to you therefore, brothers,by the mercies of God, to present your bodies<sup> </sup>as a living sacrifice, holy and acceptable to God, which is your spiritual worship. <sup>2</sup> Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by<sup> </sup>the renewal of your mind, that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect.<sup> (ESV)</sup></blockquote>Are we being transformed - by this world – into loosing our hope? Loosing the Joy while waiting? I hear the messages – even this morning through my favorite blogs – of how hard it is – living in these end times. <br />
<blockquote>God did not want us to focus on the Hard. But to focus on the Hope!</blockquote>I encourage you, as I did today, to take a moment – and read the 12th chapter of Romans. To see what the hard was for their lives. How hard God knew it would be – to live in this world, and yet wait joyfully for Him. <br />
Are you Joyful in your Hope? Patient during Afflictions? Are you Praying Always?<br />
<div align="center">Are you spending time In the Word? </div><div align="center">Go now – and read Romans 12 – <br />
I’ll send you there to make it easier. :) <br />
<<a href="http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Romans+12&version=ESV"><<Bible Gateway Romans 12>></a></div>Pebblekeeper ~ Angiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04792217890092486144noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8430869090640774106.post-22078834840625917612010-09-01T08:40:00.001-07:002010-09-01T08:40:48.301-07:00Truth Day Challenge<p><a href="http://rebeccajune.blogspot.com/2010/08/grace.html" target="_blank">Mama Drama's Grace</a> encouraged my friend over at <a href="http://pslittleworld.blogspot.com/2010/09/whole-truth-and-why-grace.html" target="_blank">A Thousand Words</a> to cut away from the new school joy and speak some truth about their day.  One is the fisherman’s wife of 5 working through the days while hubby is somewhere floating around in the Pacific Ocean. One is a mom who just had to visit the town that they loved, that they are moving away from, to empty their beautiful home, gut it, to move into an apartment until their new home is found. Away. Away from family and co-ops and friends.</p> <p>I think I have spent my fair share on this ponderings blog pouring out the transformation of my heart, and our life this past year. I wrote to <a href="http://pslittleworld.blogspot.com/2010/09/whole-truth-and-why-grace.html" target="_blank">A Thousand Words</a> this morning commenting of how the last 11 months have been harder than the preceding 11 months without work. </p> <p>11 months. It seems to be a cycle for us. I can vividly remember the day that Darren said his company was going bankrupt. I had a hard time bringing it to truth. Shock. We didn’t have money for the end of the month, much less the end of the year. And yet. God was faithful. We managed to gain weight and friends. :) We paid off bills. The rent stayed current. And we enjoyed the time together. No. Not easy. Creative birthdays and holidays without money. Creative dinners. Walking each day knowing that our daily bread would be there. And um, we were pretty sure of that because we were helping at the food bank and no one wanted the left over Costco Bread, not even the chickens, so the boys would use them for bb targets.  But the Bread was there too. :)</p> <p>11 months. As we venture into September. It is the last month of a one year cycle here on the coast. I wait with anticipation for this two day storm to refresh our grass and move inland to give us a gloriously anticipated hot weekend in indian summer.  September is my favorite month, seasonally-weather wise, what a perfect month to land on the end of the year with! And yet, it has been a year of away, alone and broke. Broken in spirit. Broke in Wallet. Broken Car. Broken Pipes. Broken Boat. Broke.</p> <p>And yet – I see the changes. I see the healing. I see the encourager emerging from it all. I see my joy. I FEEL my joy. I FEEL my peace. He has wrapped me in quilts more lovely than made by my grandmother’s fingers. I feel ready to face these next 12 months with anticipation of joy. Without the fear of the unknown.  Walking each day in His strength.  We could move at any day – and I think about hour temporary it is here, and He reminds me that yes, this world is temporary.</p> <p>For their Truth – Mama Drama and A Thousand Words – Oh. I remember. A day in December. A bad day at church. At the end. Raining. Storms. High Tides. And I drove to the beach. And bawled louder than the wind. I bawled until the wind was sucked out of me, and my eyes would drip no more by themselves, helped out in moisture only by the rain. I called a friend. And then was reminded to call on My Friend. Broken. Confused. Always starting over.</p> <p>And I am thankful. For this blog. For my other blogs.  Having the focus to enjoy life. Take photos to share with you. Share our days. Be encouraged by bloggers living normal lives. Wait. I don’t know what a normal life is, or anyone normal . .  Encouraged by Bloggers getting through their life too. In His Steam. </p> <p>I have been asked recently by shocked women with eyes wide, how I can share here on line. Journal my depth of my life, for the unknown reader.  It helps me. More than the fear of wondering what people will think. It brings me focus.  For I have been alone these 11 months. Without the drop by friend. The Phone call friend. The lets cook up chicken together friend. Without the playmates for the boys. Without a buddy to paddle the lake with. I have had One faithful Friend all of these hours while my best friend works 10 hour days. And He loves me. :) </p> Pebblekeeper ~ Angiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04792217890092486144noreply@blogger.com8tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8430869090640774106.post-85684850987214638062010-08-30T08:00:00.001-07:002010-08-30T08:00:49.480-07:00Added Assurance from the Word<p>Yesterday I wrote of my aha moment – of the joy of taking off my tourist hat – of sitting back to enjoy the peace of knowing that the tour guide has a plan. </p> <p>And then I went to fellowship and worship with a group of God’s people – to be filled with the indwelling of the Holy Spirit as He answers our prayers to renew our flames –to not let them be quenched.  As we gather together, and that flame grows higher and brighter and hotter.</p> <p>And we hunker down and settle in for a teaching of His Word. Christ in Word. Broken apart for us – in James. We have been reading James as a congregation for a few weeks. Oh the passion.</p> <p>And why am I surprised?  That the same morning I wrote about Faith and Trusting  - by word, and Faith and Trusting by Peace in my Heart – that we read James Chapter 2? Faith. Without Works. Is Dead.  Abraham Believed. And it was credited to him as Righteous. It didn’t say – Abraham served in every part of the building working his hiney off neglecting his home and family – and his Works Credited Him Favor. Abraham Believed.</p> <p>What works are we working for? What are we striving for? </p> <p>We talked about Faith – Dead Faith – Intellectual acceptance without a trust in Christ – and Saving Faith – That will produce good works – but only from a saving faith in Jesus Christ.</p> <p>Disobedience to this faith  - to loving the brethren – to meeting a need – is like saying God’s Word is true – but it has not changed me. (Martin Luther)</p> <p>I am begging for renewal in my heart – to see the line between serving because there seems to be a need – and serving because I am obeying the voice of the Lord. To remembering this year, as the school year progresses – that my obedience to the Lord in this season – is to be a Wife, a Mother, a Teacher,a Friend of God – and a Friend to my Brethren.</p> <p>That I will step up in His Strength, and that I will pay attention when my yoke becomes heavy. Will I carry that yoke? Will I give it to Him? Will I get caught up in classes and people and obligation? Will my joy be filled from being a part of His Army?</p> <p>I am thankful that the Lord is bringing this to my mind – that the Work He wants from me is a saving faith – through this middle school year. To hold on to the promises that He gave to our family. To Trust in His Plan. To breathe. Sit back. And Have the energy to minister to others out of the outpouring of what He has ministered to me. </p> <p>Join with me this year? For a simple schedule? A simple mindset? As we journey through another year?</p> Pebblekeeper ~ Angiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04792217890092486144noreply@blogger.com1