Tuesday, December 21, 2010

Joy comes in the morning

And this morning – I woke with joy. Anticipation for my little boy’s return. I light the tree. Unclutter the front entrance. Sweep the living room. Light the fire. Perk the coffee. Light the oil lamps. The light outside is still dark – the water is calm, the surf is quiet. Was it the eclipse? Wondering what the eclipse did to the surf line.

I turn on Lil Boy Blue (The New to Me G4 IBook) and stream Lighthouse Radio. Nancy Lee DeMoss is on with a word of encouragement. Dave comes on and even apologies for being so peppy at 6:02.  Why apologize for being peppy? I like Peppy.

This morning’s verse is from 2 Corinthians 3 – He reads the entire passage.  My heart swells as the Spirit inside me gets excited as the paragraph comes to an end with the following -

16But whenever a person turns [in repentance] to the Lord, the veil is stripped off and taken away.

17Now the Lord is the Spirit, and where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is liberty (emancipation from bondage, freedom).(D)

18And all of us, as with unveiled face, [because we] continued to behold [in the Word of God] as in a mirror the glory of the Lord, are constantly being transfigured into His very own image in ever increasing splendor and from one degree of glory to another; [for this comes] from the Lord [Who is] the Spirit.

Freedom. In the Spirit. Boldness  More bold than Moses – to speak truth. We have freedom to be bold. . . Do we practice this freedom?

I cried my way through the evening last night. Those dratted quiet streams of water that leak. Swelling of sorrow in my chest. Softened by the comfort of my honey and the words of a friend. I fell to sleep early-ish – missed the eclipse. 50 minutes til my sons return.

And yet, It could be moments until The Son’s Return. Are our houses ready? Is our anticipation great? Are our lamps lit? Are our fires burning? Are our words Bold? Is the House ready?

Is it any wonder that God has given the mom the passion and desire to ready the house for company and the return of family? As He quickens our hearts for the return of His Son.

Hebrews 13:5

Let your conversation be without covetousness; and be content with such things as you have: for he has said, I will never leave you, nor forsake you.

My heart Rests in Christ.

Monday, December 20, 2010

The week of Christmas

and my heart is torn and aching a little.

Oh – it’s easy to say we don’t really celebrate Christmas. We prefer a simple Christmas. We like to keep it quiet. We realize it’s not really Christ’s Birthday.


We also live in America. Next to people with double incomes and credit accounts. With commercials on TV and Movies and TV Shows with dozens of presents under the tree.

Its hard to wrap joy. Wrap Bird Watching Every Day. Wrap Bills that are paid. Wrap Rent that is current. Wrap frozen chicken in the freezer, or the Gas for the Heater or the Car. Hard to wrap a checking account that is in the Black – even if by only a few dollars.

We were gifted with cards from church – a gift from a grandmother – and a gift from my parents this year. In my book – we will have a small beautiful celebration this week. There will not be “without”.

But I have a little boy. Who has been exposed for the last 4 days to a world he has never seen. Even in Bend. Where not only is money no object – but the desire for it to be shown is bold. At least in Bend, everyone seemed to hide the money that was paying the mortgages with grungy SUV’s and Snow Board Pants.

I have a little boy with a big heart. Who wants to give. Who has people on his prayer list that have real needs. Power Turned Off. Child Lost in Death. Children without food. And he sees a mother purchase $75.00 earrings for a 6 year old daughter. He sees the extravagance of a 20+foot tree laden with presents for two small children. And he wants to give. His heart hurts. He calls me with a weak small sobbing voice. We cry together on the phone. He will be home Lord Willing in my arms in the morning at 8.

The idea and reality of a simple Christmas is marvelous. I wouldn’t want anything different. If we were laden with abunance in a savings account – I wouldn’t want to load the bottom of the tree with plastic trinkets.

My heart is broken – because my son’s heart is broken. He has seen the World. He has seen self indulgence. How he never seemed to be exposed to it in Bend I’ll never know.  I’ve asked my other son tonight how he handled it in Bend.  He said he was just glad he got to play with all the toys of his friends. He felt co-ownership with his best friend’s abundance.

Hubby came home from work while I was trying to type this out. I got to cry it out with him. There isn’t anything to sort out – we live a very blessed life – just an almost cashless one.

Every day I wake up, watch the Blue Herons dance with the White Egrets over the lake and sip my coffee with my warm feet and feel so everlasting thankful for being in this home, and pray for those around the world – waking to pain and suffering. So please hear my heart. It just hurts. Cause my son’s hurts. Tomorrow morning could not come soon enough.

Sunday, December 12, 2010

Re-Fresh Button

I came home from a large event yesterday and fell to my chair in an exhausted heap. I can share that I have given my all – everything I knew to give – and now the project is over.  I slept for a couple of hours – and then got up to hit the refresh button on the house.

Straightening the building that has been used for gatherings each week, and lovingly tending it back into a home – a nourishing – refreshing home.

I can not express in few words – or maybe even in much words – the growth and change that has occurred in my heart these past months.

I have been side tracked by Blogs, Facebook, Twitter, Lego Clubs.

In spending the evening going from room to room, straightening, cleaning, purging,

My mind was continually drawn to the Blogs – Online Time -

Wondering, what other things in my life have I allowed to come in, take time, and side track.

I enjoy reading the blogs, and commenting. I enjoy the comments I receive. I enjoy knowing what my friends are up to on Facebook. I enjoy sharing my  life.

But I am constantly pulled to realizing – that in the focus of sharing the life, I have stopped living mine. I know. It doesn’t make sense.

I don’t seem to have the energy, prioritizing skills, or knowledge to know how to participate in other’s lives, and still have a really fun cool, growing, refreshing life of my own.

I’m going to take the next 3 weeks to get ready for January.

To reflect and slow down.

To become a hermit of sorts.

To pray and Seek His Face in the next steps of my life.

Knowing that the steps that I take deeply and everlastingly effect those of my family.

I am reminded this morning of John 10, 3-4 and Psalm 139 – that He calls us out. He leads us. He has us Hedged In on All Sides. He knows, and I am unable to understand.

I am feeling the pull to change my blogging style back to that of where I started. When I only had 2 readers. When I wasn’t aware of format and grammar and too many pictures, or too few pictures, or writing for sponsors or writing for memes. Just writing. Because I woke up every day – like today – with words. and Typing at over 100 words a minute comes easier than italic handwriting in a small notebook.

This morning I logged back into my Pebblekeeper.spaces.live.com site – to remember where I’ve been – and it asked to merge with my wordpress blog. There is a new category bar on the right hand side there. I’ll be moving those old posts around.

You may not see much of a change as a reader, as you have already seen the amount of blog posts may decrease. Smile

My brain is mud today. So many thoughts. I have a desire to be transparent on this site – but boring you with the inner workings of how I transition -

I am going to be deleting more on

Suffering–Identifying with Christ

Knowing the full picture, having a simple solution, sharing the skills of how to – yet, those you share solutions with have their own ideas. They come to the table thinking they know. Based on what has gone on before – not knowing what is coming ahead. Some will head the wisdom of those who know, and some will not. In the Judging, some knew the truth and chose not to use it. Some knew the truth and chose not to speak it. Some were unable to articulate what they had learned. It was clear that several had not found joy in the journey. And I think of Christ. Knowing the full story. Knowing what the end is to be. Trying so desperately to to tell the disciples, and yet, when they heard it, they asked other questions. Brought up selfish pleadings, slept when they should have stood. And Christ, The Holy Spirit, Drew me a beautiful but heartbreaking picture of Suffering this morning. Suffering isn’t bank account amounts, flat tires, lost jobs, frozen spring plants, dry fields, or hurt feelings from friends.

Christ’s suffering is in the knowing – the sharing – and seeing full picture. Knowing who is soaking it in, remembering it all, and sharing with others. Knowing who is listening but not taking it. Knowing who will not share the information with others. Knowing who will take everything He has said and twist it into their own path, based on their own self perceived need. Knowing – that they will stand before judges here on earth, and before his Father in Heaven. And that the earthly judges will only bring condemnation. They will never understand what really happens inside the heart. They will see a slice of life and judge harshly, or praise too easily. Only the Father in Heaven will know, will ever know what the person truly believes. Christ, in this knowing and sharing, giving his very life to share the Good News that His death and resurrection is the path to the Father, no matter what anyone thinks they know, or read, or have been taught  - and seeing –through to the end – the rejection by unbelieving people – the Ack. I can’t type it out.

The Suffering. Of Christ. For what He Did. What he Shared. What He taught. How He loved. Knowing Those whom rejected Him before Death. Who Rejected Him After Death. Who rejected his follower’s teachings. Who slaughtered His followers. Up and into this very moment, in America Culture to the Impoverished 3rd world countries.

Wouldn’t it have been easier – if the “Walk this way” speech would have just come with a control button?

I think the Suffering Of Christ – is in His desire that No One Should Perish, yet, watching those whom He created choose Perishing to Life.

Why is that. I choose life.