Are you holding the Coin?

Secrets. Transparency. Stuff it and Move On. Confession. Not Hurting Others. Only Hurting Self.

I have heard the theme of these all week long. Betrayal. Addiction. Relationship. Sin. Theft. Greed.

Do you realize that Satan holds the players in his hands too? Through Shame. Guilt. Fear.

He tricks us into hiding. Building on the story line of embarrassment and guilt. How many days will build into years – as we hold on to the sins of the past. Maybe of those no one could ever know about?   We tuck it away. Silent. he has tricked us into believing we are safer this way. Our families are safer.

I write. I used to journal more on paper. I have learned the truth of James when he says to confess your sins before man.

Sometimes when we confess our sins to the Lord in silent prayer – it keeps the sins selfish. When we confess our sins to man – it is a release. What is released? They are already forgiven – forgotten from the east to the west.  - It is us. We give it up. Give up the hiding. Give up the struggle. Laid down. Empty of what we are holding.

And when we are empty – then – He can fill us up.

The Lord asks us to become like children – Sometimes it makes me roll my eyes – more often though I know. I spend enough time listening to learn more from them than they will ever glean from me.

A little boy comes up to me yesterday. Sounding overly chipper. A fake chipper. “I’m going to make a card!!!”. Ok, I answer. He heaves his craft box onto the school desk. Not the right card in there. May he use some of my fancy paper? It needs to be fancy I’m told. Yes – my reply as I reach for my card stock.  Behind us several bins store years of my passion of sending note cards out.

Who is your card for? 

I smile wide – waiting for the the expected answer of his Mimi. She sent a flyer about sea glass tucked in with a Happy Beach Day Card ad some monies for some salt water taffy and a bright round swirled sucker.

“It’s for my Friend. . .” He speaks slower. Quieter. I owe him a card.

Oh his friend. Again I wait for the expected remembrances retold of the great cards and objects they have mailed back and forth this past year, and even when we lived in the same town.

“I told him about the coin.  Last week. He didn’t even remember.”

The paper sits on the table. I wait on the table as well.

Quickly, it comes out – “We were digging at the rock – and I saw the quarter – but he saw it first – but I grabbed it first – and it was old.”

“Do you think I’ll need double sticky tape or glue?”

He runs off, and comes back with the coin - how great the coin is. The value. The Differences. The Age. The Composition. It’s monetary auction value – that he supposes it must be. And he confesses.

“I told My Friend about it. His dad could really do something great with this. I have to mail it back. Could you write the note? I can’t write it.”

He pours out his little heart in a paragraph.  If his friend remembers – the paragraph will have meaning. But none as great as on this little boy’s heart.  I lay down the paper, it is shorter than his told story. And urge him to write it. To form the words. And he does.

Spirit lifted – he asks to choose brighter paper. The Paper Cutter. The gift will be given. He’s concerned about the tape on the Coin.

I address the envelope and he rushes out to the mailbox.  I do not hear about the coin all day.

But – I do. I hear a story about family secrecy. Of the need to say a simple I’m Sorry.  I hear it over and over. From each person I speak to today.  They can tell their stories to others. Over email. On the phone. But not in person. Not to the one that needs to hear it.

And I ponder this morning. What coin are you holding today?  This coin was found at a week long camp, a year and a half ago. In Mr. Messy’s Room. And yet, The Spirit must have been bringing it to the surface. Each time the enemy attacked a tiny boy’s heart – and told him to hide it away.

Are you listening? FIVE MINUTES of obedience. VERY FEW WORDS are needed.  How long would you be embarrassed after? How long have you been holding your coin already? How heavy has it become? Give it back. Let it go. Make an empty space. Give Him the yoke.

Tell your story. Out loud. Say you’re sorry.

I think  a little boy would tell you it was worth it.

Fences

I have quite a few friends who are in the midst of transition.  Some appointed – some by their own making – some by the neglect of others.  We talk about faith. And “What God Wants”. Sigh. What does God want? How do we know for sure? How do you talk with this one and see an easy path – and tag it with  quick, “Yes, that seems to be God’s direction for you.” – And then talk with another friends, same circumstances – and see yet a different direction.

I can but only share from my experience. I can only offer what I have heard and read.  And now, more times than not – I can but only offer ears without words. A cup of tea, pressed coffee, a cookie.

We have gone through a year of transition. Into the unknown. Taxing family relationships. Stressed by relationships around us. Income shrinking. School group options stripped away. And I have felt it.  The desire to run. The Desire to Flea. That if I step up – and make my choice – that’s “best for me”  - that life will be better.

And yet – I do know the answer. Of how to know. Because at this point in my life I am a mom. And I have been a wife for over 20 years. And I am a child of the King. And I have the Holy Spirit Living in Me.  And no matter what others are doing around me – His Word is clear. Of what I am to do. How I am to think. How I am to be a servant. How I am to be submissive. And, in those areas – it is so crazy at how the “But if the other person  . . . . then" is not found.  If they – then you don’t have to forgive. And If you forgive but it was really bad, then you do not have to pardon. If they do it again you get to leave. If they don’t do this, you no longer have to serve. If their will crosses yours, you no longer have to submit. 

Loopholes. To the Fences. It was after a phone call and an online chat – of the discouragement of where we are – that I woke up to read the page of Fences by Joni Eareckson Tada.  A link to the page is here <<Diamonds in the Dust, Fences>>.

Of how we are looking for the loopholes. My favorite quote from a book I am reading called Blind Hope by Kim Meader  - “The grass is only greener on the other side – if you water it”. Why water the neighbor’s grass? When there are not enough moments in the day to water your own? From Diamonds today – it hit me - “I was restless, looking for life’s loopholes to crawl through. But for what? Greener pastures? No, Life’s Weeds.”

So my challenge for myself – is to again refocus on living in the moment. Giving my Today speech.  Listing all the things that are firm in my life today – that I am thankful for today – and not listening to what may or may not crumble tomorrow. Do the Next Thing – instead of worrying about what will crash down , what I won’t be able to go through – next week.

What fence are you looking to cross? What selfish dissatisfaction – even righteous intolerance – are you willing to go against what God wants for you? You might find yourself locked in the barn, like my friend in the Fences story. But – I still love ya. I’ll come bring ya a cookie. :)

Fences

I have quite a few friends who are in the midst of transition.  Some appointed – some by their own making – some by the neglect of others.  We talk about faith. And “What God Wants”. Sigh. What does God want? How do we know for sure? How do you talk with this one and see an easy path – and tag it with  quick, “Yes, that seems to be God’s direction for you.” – And then talk with another friends, same circumstances – and see yet a different direction.

I can but only share from my experience. I can only offer what I have heard and read.  And now, more times than not – I can but only offer ears without words. A cup of tea, pressed coffee, a cookie.

We have gone through a year of transition. Into the unknown. Taxing family relationships. Stressed by relationships around us. Income shrinking. School group options stripped away. And I have felt it.  The desire to run. The Desire to Flea. That if I step up – and make my choice – that’s “best for me”  - that life will be better.

And yet – I do know the answer. Of how to know. Because at this point in my life I am a mom. And I have been a wife for over 20 years. And I am a child of the King. And I have the Holy Spirit Living in Me.  And no matter what others are doing around me – His Word is clear. Of what I am to do. How I am to think. How I am to be a servant. How I am to be submissive. And, in those areas – it is so crazy at how the “But if the other person  . . . . then" is not found.  If they – then you don’t have to forgive. And If you forgive but it was really bad, then you do not have to pardon. If they do it again you get to leave. If they don’t do this, you no longer have to serve. If their will crosses yours, you no longer have to submit. 

Loopholes. To the Fences. It was after a phone call and an online chat – of the discouragement of where we are – that I woke up to read the page of Fences by Joni Eareckson Tada.  A link to the page is here <<Diamonds in the Dust, Fences>>.

Of how we are looking for the loopholes. My favorite quote from a book I am reading called Blind Hope by Kim Meader  - “The grass is only greener on the other side – if you water it”. Why water the neighbor’s grass? When there are not enough moments in the day to water your own? From Diamonds today – it hit me - “I was restless, looking for life’s loopholes to crawl through. But for what? Greener pastures? No, Life’s Weeds.”

So my challenge for myself – is to again refocus on living in the moment. Giving my Today speech.  Listing all the things that are firm in my life today – that I am thankful for today – and not listening to what may or may not crumble tomorrow. Do the Next Thing – instead of worrying about what will crash down , what I won’t be able to go through – next week.

What fence are you looking to cross? What selfish dissatisfaction – even righteous intolerance – are you willing to go against what God wants for you? You might find yourself locked in the barn, like my friend in the Fences story. But – I still love ya. I’ll come bring ya a cookie. :)

Is your Focus on the Hard?

Reading from my Diamonds in the Dust book again this morning – and Joni Eareckson Tada – and again – I am marveled at what the Lord places before me – each morning.
Today – is Romans 12.  From Joni –

Romans 12:12 – Be Joyful in Hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer. (NIV)

And it hits me.  Through the discouragement raging in the midst of my own thoughts and those around me – that we have an active command from the Lord.  Rejoice in Hope.

The MessageBible makes it clear: Don't burn out; keep yourselves fueled and aflame!

I thumb back to Romans 12:1 – as I keep my Bible near when being sparked by the Spirit in Diamonds in the Dust – to see what would be happening – for a command to come out – BE JOYFUL.
I was pre-coffee and too early to think – and so I was overjoyed when one of my favorite scriptures leapt out at me like a surprise visit from a friend.

¹ I appeal to you therefore, brothers,by the mercies of God, to present your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and acceptable to God, which is your spiritual worship. ² Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect. ^(ESV)

Are we being transformed -  by this world – into loosing our hope?  Loosing the Joy while waiting? I hear the messages – even this morning through my favorite blogs – of how hard it is – living in these end times.

God did not want us to focus on the Hard. But to focus on the Hope!

I encourage you, as I did today, to take a moment – and read the 12th chapter of Romans. To see what the hard was for their lives. How hard God knew it would be – to live in this world, and yet wait joyfully for Him.
Are you Joyful in your Hope? Patient during Afflictions? Are you Praying Always?

Are you spending time In the Word?

Go now – and read Romans 12 –
I’ll send you there to make it easier. :)
<<<Bible Gateway Romans 12>>

Truth Day Challenge

Mama Drama's Grace encouraged my friend over at A Thousand Words to cut away from the new school joy and speak some truth about their day.  One is the fisherman’s wife of 5 working through the days while hubby is somewhere floating around in the Pacific Ocean. One is a mom who just had to visit the town that they loved, that they are moving away from, to empty their beautiful home, gut it, to move into an apartment until their new home is found. Away. Away from family and co-ops and friends.

I think I have spent my fair share on this ponderings blog pouring out the transformation of my heart, and our life this past year. I wrote to A Thousand Words this morning commenting of how the last 11 months have been harder than the preceding 11 months without work.

11 months. It seems to be a cycle for us. I can vividly remember the day that Darren said his company was going bankrupt. I had a hard time bringing it to truth. Shock. We didn’t have money for the end of the month, much less the end of the year. And yet. God was faithful. We managed to gain weight and friends. :) We paid off bills. The rent stayed current. And we enjoyed the time together. No. Not easy. Creative birthdays and holidays without money. Creative dinners. Walking each day knowing that our daily bread would be there. And um, we were pretty sure of that because we were helping at the food bank and no one wanted the left over Costco Bread, not even the chickens, so the boys would use them for bb targets.  But the Bread was there too. :)

11 months. As we venture into September. It is the last month of a one year cycle here on the coast. I wait with anticipation for this two day storm to refresh our grass and move inland to give us a gloriously anticipated hot weekend in indian summer.  September is my favorite month, seasonally-weather wise, what a perfect month to land on the end of the year with! And yet, it has been a year of away, alone and broke. Broken in spirit. Broke in Wallet. Broken Car. Broken Pipes. Broken Boat. Broke.

And yet – I see the changes. I see the healing. I see the encourager emerging from it all. I see my joy. I FEEL my joy. I FEEL my peace. He has wrapped me in quilts more lovely than made by my grandmother’s fingers. I feel ready to face these next 12 months with anticipation of joy. Without the fear of the unknown.  Walking each day in His strength.  We could move at any day – and I think about hour temporary it is here, and He reminds me that yes, this world is temporary.

For their Truth – Mama Drama and A Thousand Words – Oh. I remember. A day in December. A bad day at church. At the end. Raining. Storms. High Tides. And I drove to the beach. And bawled louder than the wind. I bawled until the wind was sucked out of me, and my eyes would drip no more by themselves, helped out in moisture only by the rain. I called a friend. And then was reminded to call on My Friend. Broken. Confused. Always starting over.

And I am thankful. For this blog. For my other blogs.  Having the focus to enjoy life. Take photos to share with you. Share our days. Be encouraged by bloggers living normal lives. Wait. I don’t know what a normal life is, or anyone normal . .  Encouraged by Bloggers getting through their life too. In His Steam.

I have been asked recently by shocked women with eyes wide, how I can share here on line. Journal my depth of my life, for the unknown reader.  It helps me. More than the fear of wondering what people will think. It brings me focus.  For I have been alone these 11 months. Without the drop by friend. The Phone call friend. The lets cook up chicken together friend. Without the playmates for the boys. Without a buddy to paddle the lake with. I have had One faithful Friend all of these hours while my best friend works 10 hour days. And He loves me. :)