Monday, July 19, 2010

Broken in Spirit –

Sitting in a pew this Sunday – visiting a church with friends – the subject topic of the talk was titled Submission.

Great!!!! Are you Kidding Me?

I have been feeling really low lately- Hard to describe – a feeling of a sullen frame of mind, moody, tired, lethargic, broken in Spirit  listless.  Not quite depressed – but in a low hazy fog of no caring about much. Still quite in love with my family and my Lord. Still seeing him work, but like through a haze.

Some of the advice given lately has been submission – which seems crazy – as submitting to those who have been awful to my circumstances is where my heart got broken.  How could I submit any more without feeling done? Then the guilt sets in of maybe I’m not really submitting. Searching the corners of my heart for bitterness or malice. Finding none. Feeling guilty and wondering why – as my circumstances could not be any more fantastic – where is my Lift?

Then the pastor spoke on Ephesians 6:1-9.  He was talking about children and parents – masters and servants – when he changed a word from my memorized version from provoke to the word Exasperate.

Exasperated –

  • to Lose Heart – to become disheartened to the point of loosing motivation
  • dispirited
  • broken in Spirit
  • Listless, moody, sullen frame of mind, strength is sapped, hope for future shattered.

I felt like jumping up right in the middle of service and shouting – THAT’s IT!!!  I have been Exasperated! By those that I loved and trusted! But – It was a Conservative Baptist Church – um. So I just wrote it down and shifted a bit in my seat. :)

I picked up the boys and eagerly went to our home church – the New Life Four Square Church – and eagerly jumped into the music and prayer part of the worship service. As usual – the biblical songs of worship were exactly fitting to what I needed. One song spoke of the need to Shout his Name, Shout his Goodness, Shout your praises – and I felt the need to shout out Jesus! Praise you Jesus! And I felt the chains break around my heart – I felt the healing on my heart – I felt the lift in my step. Jon and I spent the rest of the service dancing in our little isle – so freeing. I felt healed. Pastor Darrel is teaching through the book of James – and his words encouraged me further – I left feeling like the tide had turned.

My next post will show you my plan for staying out of the pit of discouragement.

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