Wednesday, January 27, 2010

Psalm 67 – Will the World Sing For Joy?

Because of how you speak? From the posts of your Facebook status? From sharing in your blogs?

May your ways be known throughout the earth,
      your saving power among people everywhere.
3 May the nations praise you, O God.
      Yes, may all the nations praise you.
4 Let the whole world sing for joy,
      because you govern the nations with justice
      and guide the people of the whole world.

This past week, I feel revived. Alive. Fresh. New. 

I am glad that I felt this way before the Lego group, before the unexpected monies, before the unexpected friend visit – and not because of them.

It has taken several months for my flesh to turn around, re-adjust, Walk in Body/Mind and Voice.  Feel the way I speak.

This week I am journaling more. Praying with my pencil at hand. Writing the things I am sorry for, sins, missing it.

I am overwhelmed at His patience and mercy and grace in my walk.

I know there is a time to lay it all out for public eyes to see, to seek the encouragement of friends, and have The One Who Sees come along side those in physical form to hear your cries.

But do you come back around rejoicing at His Grace? Will people see a sick, poverty ridden, whiney, complaining opinionated group of people, standing up for their rights, “even though”?

Or will they see a people healed, blessed, abundant, rising above the steam of the cold waters, triumphant, victorious?

We sang the song Victory in Jesus  in church a couple of weeks back. A quiet reserved bunch – singing - 

And some sweet day I'll sing up there
The song of victory.

A victory is of a battle fought for, of vigilance, of having a great coach, of wearing our colors, of painted faces, of great food.

I want to sing the song of Victory HERE. And when we do reach that Mansion He Has Built for us in Glory, I will scream and shout the victors call – of one thankful that we have kept up the good race!

Are you thankful? Are you praising? Are you living a life that the World will sing for Joy?

Tuesday, January 26, 2010

Like an Avocado Tree?

Homeschool, Change, Growth, Move, Avadaco TreeSitting in the morning’s light, reading an encouraging chapter of Hebrews 12, and then 13 – Surrounded by such a great crowd of witnesses. I love that -  was thankful, looking out to the lake, cozy, warm vanilla cream in my coffee ~ pondering our Avocado tree.

We started this little seed in the window in Central Oregon.  It cracked, opened, and a small root let down into the water.  Then a shoot came up, and a leaf. Oh the glory of those days. Watching it grow, develop. We babied it, put it in the best dirt, and watched it grow.  Pride would swell, almost a sinful pride, when other families would marvel that we got a seed to grow in a glass of water. Like we had DONE something.

Homeschool, Change, Growth, Move, Two, Avacado TreeA week before the move we had a hail storm. Little Auvie was outside.  She got hit pretty hard. We were sad from our mis care. Should have brought her in. And then we moved, and Auvie had a secured seat, riding in the car on the trailer, padded on all sides. She was the first thing unloaded in the new house.

For a few weeks, her health went down hill.  Change colors.

A rusty red color seeped through the green. I thought, well, Auvie doesn’t like the new surroundings either.

Then, about a month ago – sprouts appeared.  Two leaves came out, then two more. The growth, that’s what I noticed this morning.  Homeschool, Change, Growth, Move, Three Avacado Tree

Not only are the leaves growing, but they are actually healthier than those from the first growth. Beautiful Color. Large, Luscious. Rainforest.  And more sprouts are on their way.  Four new leaves.

This month is the first since our moved that I feel focused, centered. Real Joy. Real Contentment. Ready.  Expectant. Not in words, but in my heart. Enough to journal. Enough to re-open the prayer book. Enough to let the whiney go out the window.  The rust of our selfish hearts has bled through, and growth has come.  I see it in me, my boys, and my beloved hubby.

Deep, Dark, Green, Water Flowing through the veins.  Bring it on!

Sunday, January 24, 2010

Leaving a Trace

I’m being truly inspired by this book by Alexandria Johnson, Leaving a Trace.

Great review here:
Johnson, Alexandra. Leaving a trace; on keeping a journal; the art of transforming a life into stories.

I used to journal quite a bit in the mornings.  Read a psalm and a proverb, then write. Now that FB and Blogging has taken over my mornings, its the Daily Bead, Psalm, Proverb, Ponder, Prayer, but no written journal.  I had created this spot to have my ponderings, my very own. Not to share our homeschool, or our surroundings, or our family, but to share me.  Less of what I do, and more honestly of how I feel, think, ponder. Its easier to write summery style of what we are up to. As I walk on the beach, I journal in my mind, in my prayerful thoughts, to the Lord. I can walk and think, and talk aloud, and release the thoughts heaven bound.  And yet, how are they captured? Shared? Given? I really enjoy reading online journals, I feel connected, sympathetic, encouraged, joyful at sharing the lives of others. But when I write – I feel what Alexandra talks about – the censor – on my shoulder.  I hear her.  Don’t write that. It’s too personal. Its whiney. People won’t want to read it. The Wrong people will read it.

Which is why I separated this little blog to be pebblekeeper’s ponderings. If you are in for the lake or beach shot of the day – if you are in for homeschooling tips, you can hover over there – no need to read my long morning posts of ponderings.

I used to write out my ponderings, then email them to groups or friends.  Although the people who smiled and said thanks – the 1-2 people who emailed and asked me to stop won over. Well, They don’t need to click here. I wont Twitter or Facebook these posts. No email attachments. Just my typing.

My goal is to get some of my ponderings in writing. Maybe someone on the same path thinks the same as I do – or doesn’t. I’d like to learn how to write about Who I Am, instead of What I Do. What I am is almost as changing as what we are doing. A journey. Maybe thats why they call it a journal.

Alexandra gives homework with the book reading – and maybe I’ll participate in some of those. Some ask to go back to childhood  - remember – write – put it out there. We’ll see.

Still with me? Really?  Great.

Friday, January 15, 2010

Starting Fresh on Paper 2010

Homeschool, Planning, Calendar, OrganizerInstead of a half of a year not yet started, I have a new year fresh and clean. The Calendar. It is a focal of my day. Looking at the page. Seeing what awaits for the day. What to cook, what to prepare, how to dress, what to teach.  Most of it was dependant on what activities we had throughout the day.

I still need a calendar, but I couldn’t use my favorite. It was full of items that we will never do. At least not this year, before August. Choir. Sign Language. Science. Awana. Good News Club. Soup Night. Boys Club. Play Dates. Coffee Dates. Birthdays. Co-Ops. To open it was to see what we were missing. I fill in the calendar in advance.  I thought it would be ok to open and use in January, since that was as far as it was worked out – and yet, I still knew I was holding a half of a year undone.

Homeschool, Planner, OrganizerToday we were in Newport at the Hatfield Marine Science Center and discovered that the company has begun producing a new calendar – a January to January. And – It was on sale. Half off.  I wondered. Questions. Called a friend. Then Purchased.  A fresh start on paper. 2010. Clean and new. Without the attachments of what will not be, but the promise of what is to come. A blank slate. I can say after 3 months – I am finally ready to see what will be written in it. Promise, New, Fresh, Exciting.

Wednesday, January 13, 2010

Why Ponderings are Written and not Thought . . .

“ . . . . because story is the way I discover what I think and who I am. (It is a handicap: needing to live all things twice, in breath and in word, before you can really understand your life.)” ~ Ann Voscamp

Sunday, January 3, 2010

Now –

I followed a link from Holy Experience and found this entry about Now from In the Heart of My Home.

I’ve read so many blogs lately that have followed the post Christmas chatter of New Year’s Resolutions. Quite a few years ago I made the choice to not make them. Why wait until January 1st of any year to change something that I know I can start changing now?

This year I have also seen the trend of having a theme for the year. In general, this does take place in our home. Right now our theme is learning the difference between mercy, competition, strategy, grace, and mean spiritedness. . . . which is a whole other post.

So – fast forward to prayer time at church todayThe word Now kept ringing in my ears. Since we’ve moved I have not lived in the now. My heart is in Bend with my sister friends. My worship is with Max and Julie at Compass. My life’s activities are in deep depression of non existence. My worries are heightened at the higher rent and expenses of this town. My fear is growing of meeting real people and not knowing how to communicate.

Now. Now. Live in the Now. While Darren was out of work last year, I had a mantra to keep peace in my heart, a few sentences often remembered and repeated throughout the day to ward off the financial anxiety bugs.

Today. Today I am healthy. Today the bills are paid. Today we have more food than we can eat, more clothes than I can fold, more dishes than I want to wash, more toys than can be put away, more time than I need. More sleep than I can handle, more activities than I can do, more friends than I have time for, More family than I can connect with.

So why. Why? WHY??? Do I think of tomorrow as less? What crazy thing is going to happen tomorrow? I think of Friday and the Gas Bill and instead of just remembering to pay it, I get flutters of anxiety. Why? When I think of knowing how long we will be able to enjoy this house I get anxiety. Will we be in Lincoln City for the next year?   Is one moment’s worth of wondering going to help me find out?

So thank you Heart of my Home and Holy Experience for the reminder. Thank you to Jesus, who came to save a poor, doubting, fearful sinner such as I, yet, choosing to live in anxiety no more. For a time. :) Thank you for gifting us the Spirit, who urges us on to unknowable peace.

Today I have food. Today the Bills are paid. Today I met a new friend. Today two ladies from church stopped by for tea. Today my family is healthy. Today I have abundance. Today the weather was beautiful. Today my dog will not leave my side. Today my husband has a job. Today.  It’s more than enough to be thankful for.