Monday, July 5, 2010

Comfort in the Storm

My grandmother – who will be 100 in November – may not make it to November – or the middle of July.

My family – is accusing me of tampering with computer files to make up stories about their daughter.

My finances – have been doing crazy up and down roller coaster things, some we could control – many we could not. At one point this week we were 600 dollars in the negative in the bank. (bank fixed the error and all is well – but not fun to walk through during a holiday weekend)

My Sister – has disowned me again – its her cycle – she gets close – then backs off – gets close – backs off.

My Dog – has been urking all over the house for two days (boys help clean it up, but she keeps doing it on beds, she’s been fine the last 48 hrs)

Yet – through it all – I keep reading this Diamonds in the Dust book by Joni Eareckson Tada. Each morning – and sometimes evening – the verse of the day fits exactly what I’m going through.

Hebrews 11:6 – Instead they were longing for a better country – a heavenly one. Therefore God is not ashamed to be called their God, for he has prepared a city for them. – Joni’s note – the quiet but throbbing ache within them drives them not to complaint but to anticipation.

I wish not to complain – but to anticipate what we are longing for – however, this week the enemy was trying to throw in lonely, alone, stranded into the mix – and the comforter showed me clearly that I was not alone, spiritually or physically.

Put on the full armor of God so that you can stand against the devil’s schemes. For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms” Eph 6:11-12.

This verse was on the day before their visit.

Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up. Gal 6:9

On the day when I didn’t feel like being a servant to 10 other people in my home.

This is how we know what love is: Jesus Christ laid down his life for us. And we ought to lay down our lives for our brothers. 1 John 3:16

On the day when I was about to loose it for being accused, disrespected and treated like the enemy.

The Lord God said, ‘It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him.’ Gen 2:18

On the day when I was going to crawl in bed and let my husband handle the bunch.

The Lord your God is with you, he is mighty to save. He will take great delight in you, he will quiet you with his love, he will rejoice over you with singing. Zeph 3:17

On the day that they accused me of the computer tampering. Called my son a liar. Called to scream at me a couple of times. Made my husband choose sides.

And without faith it is impossible to please God, because anyone who comes to him must believe that he exists and that he rewards those who earnestly seek him. Heb 11:6

Yep – on the day that I stood my ground. Didn’t fight back. Had faith in the One that knows truth. Sought his face all day.

You were Washed . . . 1 Cor 6:11 Note from Joni – Cleanse me with hyssop and I will be clean; wash me, and I will be whiter than snow Ps 51:7 – Almighty God, thank you for desiring to make me clean – For washing my heart, and making me pure. I humble myself before You and present all the areas of my life that need to be made right . . and she goes on

On the day that I was doubting. Wondering if the sin from years past still was in a root in my heart today. When I was pleading with the Lord to reveal truth to me. Were Washed. Am Spotless. That’s what He told me.

Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourselves. Phil 2:3


The Lord will take delight in you. As a bridegroom rejoices over his bride, so will your God rejoice over you. Is 62:4-5

Days I was wondering if it were worth it to sweep it under the rug. As accusations from the past kept coming strong.

And yesterday, July 4th. I felt like I was in the pit of despair again. That my hope in heaven was secure – but my joy in this life was gone. Wiped out. Extinguished.  The sharp pain in my heart from the week early has been replaced by the weight of so many stones being thrown, that I’m ready to just lie down at the weight of it. And stop. Just Stop. Then I feel guilty – for feeling so defeated.

And the verse of the day is –

Let him who walks in the dark, who has no light, trust in the name of the Lord and rely on his God. Is 50:10.

Joni’s note:

You probably have days that seem like deep, cavernous holes. Days when you can’t find your way because of the darkness and you search for a single ray of light and see absolutely nothing. – Don’t be alarmed. Remember that your walk is not by sight but by faith, and God, according to Isaiah 50:10 agrees with you. There are times when it’s hard to see even a single ray of brightness in your circumstances. But even in the blackness, God promises you will find him.

How does she know? I feel comforted that the Lord knows that he did not create us to be able to cope with rejection and manipulation and lies. He made us to walk in victory – in His light. He knows what I am going through and how my body will react. She wrote the paragraph above after a story about being lost in the Carlsbad Caves as a kid. And her mom promised she would never loose her. Lovely.

So – it is funny to me that today’s entry is about taking a stand. About Jesus getting angry at the Temple at the money changers.  Talks about Jesus being portrayed as kindly, loving, with children and lambs and birds.  - But challenging to visualize an angry violently angry Jesus Christ. Overturning Tables. Speaking Truth. Every one in the temple was sent out.

I want to stand up. Speak truth. Call a lie a lie. If relations are broken – they are not unbendable.  There is a well of forgiveness and mercy and grace that will pour out from His spirit.

But I need to stand. Proclaim. Draw a line. Stand Firm. and Trust.

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