Sunday, January 3, 2010

Now –

I followed a link from Holy Experience and found this entry about Now from In the Heart of My Home.

I’ve read so many blogs lately that have followed the post Christmas chatter of New Year’s Resolutions. Quite a few years ago I made the choice to not make them. Why wait until January 1st of any year to change something that I know I can start changing now?

This year I have also seen the trend of having a theme for the year. In general, this does take place in our home. Right now our theme is learning the difference between mercy, competition, strategy, grace, and mean spiritedness. . . . which is a whole other post.

So – fast forward to prayer time at church todayThe word Now kept ringing in my ears. Since we’ve moved I have not lived in the now. My heart is in Bend with my sister friends. My worship is with Max and Julie at Compass. My life’s activities are in deep depression of non existence. My worries are heightened at the higher rent and expenses of this town. My fear is growing of meeting real people and not knowing how to communicate.

Now. Now. Live in the Now. While Darren was out of work last year, I had a mantra to keep peace in my heart, a few sentences often remembered and repeated throughout the day to ward off the financial anxiety bugs.

Today. Today I am healthy. Today the bills are paid. Today we have more food than we can eat, more clothes than I can fold, more dishes than I want to wash, more toys than can be put away, more time than I need. More sleep than I can handle, more activities than I can do, more friends than I have time for, More family than I can connect with.

So why. Why? WHY??? Do I think of tomorrow as less? What crazy thing is going to happen tomorrow? I think of Friday and the Gas Bill and instead of just remembering to pay it, I get flutters of anxiety. Why? When I think of knowing how long we will be able to enjoy this house I get anxiety. Will we be in Lincoln City for the next year?   Is one moment’s worth of wondering going to help me find out?

So thank you Heart of my Home and Holy Experience for the reminder. Thank you to Jesus, who came to save a poor, doubting, fearful sinner such as I, yet, choosing to live in anxiety no more. For a time. :) Thank you for gifting us the Spirit, who urges us on to unknowable peace.

Today I have food. Today the Bills are paid. Today I met a new friend. Today two ladies from church stopped by for tea. Today my family is healthy. Today I have abundance. Today the weather was beautiful. Today my dog will not leave my side. Today my husband has a job. Today.  It’s more than enough to be thankful for.

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