Mama Drama's Grace encouraged my friend over at A Thousand Words to cut away from the new school joy and speak some truth about their day. One is the fisherman’s wife of 5 working through the days while hubby is somewhere floating around in the Pacific Ocean. One is a mom who just had to visit the town that they loved, that they are moving away from, to empty their beautiful home, gut it, to move into an apartment until their new home is found. Away. Away from family and co-ops and friends.
I think I have spent my fair share on this ponderings blog pouring out the transformation of my heart, and our life this past year. I wrote to A Thousand Words this morning commenting of how the last 11 months have been harder than the preceding 11 months without work.
11 months. It seems to be a cycle for us. I can vividly remember the day that Darren said his company was going bankrupt. I had a hard time bringing it to truth. Shock. We didn’t have money for the end of the month, much less the end of the year. And yet. God was faithful. We managed to gain weight and friends. :) We paid off bills. The rent stayed current. And we enjoyed the time together. No. Not easy. Creative birthdays and holidays without money. Creative dinners. Walking each day knowing that our daily bread would be there. And um, we were pretty sure of that because we were helping at the food bank and no one wanted the left over Costco Bread, not even the chickens, so the boys would use them for bb targets. But the Bread was there too. :)
11 months. As we venture into September. It is the last month of a one year cycle here on the coast. I wait with anticipation for this two day storm to refresh our grass and move inland to give us a gloriously anticipated hot weekend in indian summer. September is my favorite month, seasonally-weather wise, what a perfect month to land on the end of the year with! And yet, it has been a year of away, alone and broke. Broken in spirit. Broke in Wallet. Broken Car. Broken Pipes. Broken Boat. Broke.
And yet – I see the changes. I see the healing. I see the encourager emerging from it all. I see my joy. I FEEL my joy. I FEEL my peace. He has wrapped me in quilts more lovely than made by my grandmother’s fingers. I feel ready to face these next 12 months with anticipation of joy. Without the fear of the unknown. Walking each day in His strength. We could move at any day – and I think about hour temporary it is here, and He reminds me that yes, this world is temporary.
For their Truth – Mama Drama and A Thousand Words – Oh. I remember. A day in December. A bad day at church. At the end. Raining. Storms. High Tides. And I drove to the beach. And bawled louder than the wind. I bawled until the wind was sucked out of me, and my eyes would drip no more by themselves, helped out in moisture only by the rain. I called a friend. And then was reminded to call on My Friend. Broken. Confused. Always starting over.
And I am thankful. For this blog. For my other blogs. Having the focus to enjoy life. Take photos to share with you. Share our days. Be encouraged by bloggers living normal lives. Wait. I don’t know what a normal life is, or anyone normal . . Encouraged by Bloggers getting through their life too. In His Steam.
I have been asked recently by shocked women with eyes wide, how I can share here on line. Journal my depth of my life, for the unknown reader. It helps me. More than the fear of wondering what people will think. It brings me focus. For I have been alone these 11 months. Without the drop by friend. The Phone call friend. The lets cook up chicken together friend. Without the playmates for the boys. Without a buddy to paddle the lake with. I have had One faithful Friend all of these hours while my best friend works 10 hour days. And He loves me. :)