One more label to tag onto my self description – Affirmation Junkie. I’d like to say it doesn’t matter what people thing, I get to varying degrees of saying, acting as if I don’t care, but – by my online and in real life actions – I know its true. In my heart I know its true.
I love when people comment on the blogs, or send an email. I love hearing that others like what I’ve done.
I love the instant gratification of posting on Facebook and getting the Likes and Comments. Secretly I know why they do not have a dislike button. It would ruin Facebook. Tear apart families and friendships. No one REALLY wants a dislike button. :) It would be the end of the fuzzy feeling. It would bring in fear. and Fear would take down Facebook.
I have gone through several shifts of my addiction to online social sites – working through what is real, what is created. Seeing those in real life, and seeing their online persona – wondering if mine is so vastly different as well, praying that I am portraying myself in a consistent truthful light.
This morning I read the term Affirmation Junkie on A Holy Experience. Depending on what spectrum of junkie you are, would tell you if this article will make you feel better, or shed a light on a dark side of a needy personality. Honestly I think I lie in the middle. I do find my joy and love and friendship in Christ. It is what he has been teaching me these 5 months alone on the coast. To find the answers in and through his word alone. To find love and friendship and fulfillment and contentment in him alone.
Each day I think I’m real close – and then a tragedy happens, like yesterday, when I was bawling on the beach again, about our broken car, wondering who to call, fingering my cell phone, who would tell me what I need to hear? I heard it. Loud and Clear. TALK TO ME! So I walked a mile down the beach, in tears, talking to him. Sorting it out. Hearing. Listening. Feeling comfort. Called my family and had them meet me there. Walked some more. But my knee jerk reaction was – who do I call to tell me it will be ok? Which Friend? Why?
I have felt the need to distance myself from my daily dose of Facebook. Virtual friends in a virtual world. I’m not really needing to spend time knowing that they had the perfect cup of coffee or to see the latest picture of the new shirt. I’m not sure that a total withdrawal is needed, as I’m so very alone here. But, thanks to the article, I think I am hearing over and over where my involvement comes from - being an affirmation junkie.
If you are reading my babbling and goings on here, and havn’t clicked out of this ongoing praddle of a post – could you pray for me? For my learning process in this? For a healthy learning of friendships and involvement and servant hood? Going from the front lines of social media and co-op event planning to being a hermit crab living alone on the lake isn’t my goal. Some healthy medium would be nice. :)