Are we being real?

This morning I read an inspiring article Public Passion vs Private Devotion, by Francis Chan of Cornerstone Church.  Our congregation in Bend read the Crazy Love book together. I really enjoyed the book, and enjoy Francis’s honest writing on his own feelings. It is not often one can find a pastor that can mix God’s Word with his own heart.

A quote from the article got me thinking about of the Blogging Discussion lately: “God gifted us with an ability to communicate. Too often we use this ability not to convey who we are, but who we want others to think we are.”

(There has been quite a bit of comment chatter going on at  My3Boybarians.  What’s funny, is that most of the chatter has to do with individual perception of what her original post was about – how much to put out there.  The conversations and comments took off – and the original topic sort of changed.)

In the world of being titled a “Christian Mom” there seems to be a list of how our homes are to be run, how they are to look to visitors, how our meals are to be prepared, how our children are to dress.   Add the word “Homeschool” to the title, and it brings not only te expectancy of how you are to perform, but also of what you will not allow your children to hear, learn, experience.  To protect them of course.

I am vocal (gasp!), and I am not afraid to say what I’m thinking. In fact – at times, I wish after I’ve spurted out a passionate idea that has been mulling in my head that I had a sensor button on my nose.  I think of things, ponder, Chew on Them, I like to say, and then like to talk them out with friends to find a conclusion, or direction.

I have learned over the years who to trust with my Chewed Cud. And,. . . . I learn that I really havn’t learned who to trust. :)

I want to convey Who We Are. NOT prove that we fit some sort of internet media mold of homeschoolers. Some sort of Lofty Goal of what our lives should look like – but what we really are.

My kids mess up. They have brilliant times. They have Embarrassing Times.  I have joy and patience. I also have tiredness, sickness and yelling. I have mercy and grace, I also have quick snap unjust judgments and consequences that didn’t seem fair.

To only put the cutsie activities with the cutsie names of my kids online to inspire others to be sterile and cute – would go against the grain of my personality.

I like to tease that if I said what I do, in my private moments, that I’d be kicked out of several homeschool clubs. My crazy almost liberal ideas would not be tolerated.  Books I’ve read, TV Shows we watch, Drink I enjoy, What I allow my kids to do and say, ideas of culture and society.  Really don’t fit a mold. I might be on a soapbox about an idea today – and ready to burn the wood so that no one stands on it tomorrow. Its how I process.

And yet – One thing that I do stand on – my devotion to Christ. My Love for Him. My Thankfulness in What HE  has done for me, and continues to do in my life, day by day.  I can’t get through the hour without overwhelming appreciation for where we are and how He takes care of us. What He brings into my life. I want to share that with the world. 

This pondering page does not get alot of activity from me, for most of my ponderings are written in journals. But I want to share more of my crazy heart here. Apart from being a homeschooler, or mom or wife, or because I am all three.

I use Windows Live Writer to categorize our activities into four blogs, School, Lake, Beach and These Ponderings. I want to publish the individual blogs at the end of the year. What I don’t want, is a false record, a crafted communication depicting what we THINK we are supposed to be doing – but a real blog illustrating how we live, day by day, learning, growing, fruit, and pruning.

Well, I’m rambling – so I will refill the coffee, and ramble while looking out at the lake birds, and let my fingers rest.

I think a little private devotion time is in order .:)