Sunday, August 29, 2010

The Fear of the UnKnown?

I heave a huge sigh of relief this morning . . . .

The past several weeks have been a jumble of goal setting – research – planning and implementing in our homeschool journey. Setting which areas we would like to see developed not only in the boys, but in the parents and in our home.

It has been an joy filled ride as the Lord provided each resource the same day He showed us the need. Oh the blog posts I could write of His faithfulness in our homeschool journey! I feel like John saying  - And there are also many other things which Jesus did, the which, if they should be written every one, I suppose that even the world itself could not contain the books that should be written- (Jn 21:25)

I like to call ourselves unschoolers  - yet, I am deeply saddened when that is translated to un-learners – un – disciplined – un-planned and un-directed.  Take our nature study – it is deeply planned out, scheduled, texted, activities and homework – however, now that I know the plan – I care not if it happens today or tomorrow. At 7am or 8pm. I know it will all fit in, the ebb and flow of life. I do not have a ruler tapping the clock by a chalkboard to start the “lesson” at 8:30 am with starched shirts on. :) I love the plan – it is like a blanket.

I find that my most worries come from the unknown. Will it hurt? Will it get paid for? Will they be ok? Will the . . . .  I have been a crazy person these last 3 or 4 weeks of planning. Sure, hindsite 20/20 it all worked out amazingly smooth. But I kick and pull back and plunge ahead and pray during the process.  Still. 7 years in a row.

I had just told hubby this morning that now that all the pieces are in place for the year – I’ll be able to sit back and enjoy the ride – that my stress level should go down and I might even be more of a joy to be around. Ya. It got embarrassing there a couple of days.

In the midst of this morning – I received a Facebook Message from a friend who is coming to visit.  We are planning a get together on Monday – and her instructions of meeting to me were open ended. So I thought of plan a, plan b for weather, plan a plan b for finances and had been thinking of plan a and b for food – when she sends me an email kindly saying she has a plan. Its all worked out. They just want to see us and get some sand in their toes for a bit. Fun! I was going to email her back and say what a joy – I’ll turn off my tourist director hat and just enjoy their plan, and our part in it.

That’s when I heard from Him. Loud and Clear.

Feel that Joy? I just meeting your friend? In not having a plan? In trusting they can plan what they know they want?

When will you take the tourist hat off and trust Me?

Yikes. And my heart was pierced. And I understand even deeper. This walk of faith. It is one thing to be praising Him afterwards for all of the wonderful things unwritten, it is one thing to know “God has a Plan” –

But Real Peace. The real Joy. Is when we fall in love with the unknown. Fall in love with the in between stage. Embrace it.

Every time I am on this side of of a trusting experience, and my 20/20 hindsight vision is in tact – I tell myself – write it down – remember – sear it on your heart – to remember – He brings me though. Always in ways we never imagined and could have planned for. All the worry and doubts and fear of the unknown had not one tick or tack to getting us to where we are now. . . . .

Join with me? This Year?  In the taking off the tourist hat. Sitting Back. Trusting His Plan? Diligent in His Word. Sitting at His Knee. Knowing that He has great and marvelous things in store for us to learn this year. :)

Love to you my friends who ponder with me here!

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